Ancient Egypt: Life And Death In The Valley Of The Kings…

Sometimes telly isn’t always a horrendous pile of lowest-common denominator shite…

You know, the sort of lowest-common denominator shite that makes you want to reach for the nearest sharp implement to gouge your eyes out so your visual receptors never again have to be sullied by certain sights… certain sights such as some Big Brother contestant shoving a wine bottle up her chuff, or any TV game show fronted by Noel Edmunds, or Loose Women, or any storyline involving gangs of stage-school-children-acting-as-feral-youths in EastEnders. To nutshell it, the sort of stuff that makes you just want to give up…

To counter-balance the deluge of horrendous shows such as the above, though, there are times TV can produce something that elevates the viewing experience into something entertaining and educational and visually stunning.

Ancient Egypt: Life And Death In The Valley Of The Kings on BBC2 is a case in point. It’s essentially an examination of everyday life in Ancient Egypt 3,500 years ago and it’s fronted by the eminently likeable Egyptologist Dr Joann Fletcher, an academic with a strong Yorkshire accent and slightly mad red hair. And she’s simply besotted by her subject and it’s a fascination and enthusiasm that comes across in every frame.

In episode one, there’s a wonderful moment where she gets exclusive access to a tomb in the Valley of the Kings and, amid the examinations and theorising, she just turns away from the camera and bursts into tears at the sheer beauty and intimacy of what she’s seeing.

Telly-crying has become something of a hackneyed ratings-seeking money shot in recent years, with all manner of minor crises in any number of reality-based shows or talent contests stage-managing the waterworks when interest flags. Sigh… But with Fletcher, it was a genuine moment of intimacy and you forget that TV can still create moments like that. There was something quite pure and heart-warming about it.

The Missus is obviously hooked as it’s about Ancient Egypt, but I’ll be joining her on the couch for the other episode in this two-part series. It’s superior telly.

TV Pitches: No.1...

The show is called Pope Idol and it's a talent show where the winning cardinal gets a contract to spread Aids around the world by denying poor people the right to contraception...

Plus points: It's topical and it could have a very large Catholic audience.

Minus points: Lots of poor people die thanks to zealotry and out-dated religious practices.

ITV are interested...

News From Home...

Mother and Stepdad have just visited Brooks Towers and we've spent most of the time chilling at home with the odd trip out for food and shopping and pubs. It was pretty brilliant and we had a ball, then my brother and sister and their other halves also paid a surprise visit when we were out having a meal for Mum's birthday. It was just a really good time.

Two excellent contributions towards the weekend's discussion also came from my mother. The first of these came when we were discussing a cousin, whose vibrant sexual history is the stuff of family legend. Mother commented:
'Well if that bugger's not got Aids, it can't exist!'

The second came when we discussing a family friend, whose somewhat colourful sexual history is also the stuff of family legend. Mother commented:
'He's doing website dating. I'm surprised there's any bugger left on that Internet.'

Both lines will feature in something I write over the next few weeks...

Pool: Game Over...

At the weekend I played my final county pool match for a while at the National Inter-county Finals in Great Yarmouth.

The weekend started with the trials for the England Pool Team, which I'd qualified for after finishing in the top seven of all the county players in the south-east of England. I've had two England trials before and at one I totally bombed out while at the other I almost made the team. But these were more than a decade ago when I was a much better player. In truth, I was just delighted to roll back the years and make the trials for a third time on the back of a very good season last year.

At the trials themselves, I was flawless in my opening game and won 3-0, then had a tough draw in my second game against a friend of mine, who's a very talented young player. I lost this 1-3 and apart from playing one very poor shot I didn't do a huge amount wrong. In truth, he was just more clinical and aggressive than I was and he deserved the victory with two top-drawer clearances.

In my third match, I missed a half-chance in the opening frame, then battled from a losing position to put myself in front in the second. I then played an awful shot that cost me the frame and I didn't get a shot in the third frame as I went down 0-3.

In my fourth match, I played somebody who's one of the best amateurs in the UK and won a tight first frame then narrowly lost a tight second. At 1-1 he then broke and cleared up, and at 1-2 down I broke and watched the white kick in off three balls to give him control of the table and watched him finish the game to put me out 1-3.

I had a tough draw, I was a little unlucky and I only played three bad shots in the 12 frames I got any sort of shot in. But the truth of the matter is that's all it takes at that sort of level and I wasn't match-sharp enough or anywhere near aggressive enough on the day.

In the team event, I struggled for fluency and missed good chances to get myself up and running. The team played pretty well in patches, though, and two or three of our players were exceptional so we did pretty well. There are worse places to bow out of county pool for a while than on the back of an England trial and losing in the semi-finals of a national tournament on a Sunday morning.

But my county odyssey's been fun and the good days and the successes make the bad days bearable. And three regional A Team titles, one regional B Team title, three England trials, one national title and the county record for the largest number of A Team appearances is not a bad haul from 15 years as a Surrey county player.

The real joy of it all, though, isn't the trophies or the victories. It's the fellow cue men and cue women you befriend on the way. I've met several of my best friends because of playing pool and I'm part of a network of such a diverse bunch of people up and down the UK, most of who I'd always happily have a few pints with. That's always been the best thing about it from my point of view.

And in a year or two when the batteries are recharged and I've made inroads into the other things I want to do, I may be back. Who knows? There's maybe another title or two or another England trial left in the locker yet. And 600 county A Team frames would be a better record than my current 527...