A Content Consumer Recommends....

Music

Heavy is the Head by Stormzy: Michael Ebenazer Kwadjo Omari Owuo Jr (according to Wikipedia) releases a new album and it's at times introspective and triumphant. I'm not sure I fully get grime music, but I buy into Stormzy as a trusted guide in unfamiliar territory. I bought into Gang Signs & Prayer and I buy into this. 

Everyday Life by Coldplay: I like Coldplay and I've defended the band against music fans who seem to think that war criminals deserve a less vicious critique. But this is thin stuff. It's them trying several musical hats on for size and finding out that most of them fit badly. The song Church is jingly-jangly upbeat, though. 

Thanks for the Dance by Leonard Cohen: A posthumous album and it's all the usual poetic, sardonic, melancholy and downbeat humorous stuff that will delight Cohen fans. Happens to the Heart and the Night of Santiago are lovely tracks.

Film

The Irishman: Martin Scorsese makes a sometimes engaging, often subdued and always over-long gangster movie about the delivery-driver-turned-Mob-enforcer who may or may not have killed Jimmy Hoffa. Robert De Niro, Joe Pesci and Al Pacino are on fine form and the film looks utterly beautiful and is carefully crafted. But I'm not sure there's enough actual content, narrative development, character engagement or drama for its 210-minutes of running time

6 Underground: Netflix goes all action with a cast including Ryan Reynolds, Melanie Laurent, Manuel Garcia Rulfo and Peter Beale from EastEnders (who's doing very well for himself since leaving Albert Square). Michael Bay directs and there's much to like in the set pieces, stunts and serious-meets-comedy script in what could be the streaming service's bid to create a franchise to rival the Fast and the Furious. But not as good.

Angel Has Fallen: Gerard Butler revises his role as crack agent, presidential bodyguard and all-round action hero good guy Mike Banning. This outing, however, he's on the run after being set up for trying to assassinate Morgan Freeman. OK, March of the Penguins was awful but Morgan was also in Seven and Shawshank Redemption. Come on, Mike! The film proves the law of diminishing returns on sequels to be correct.  

Scrooged: Modern-day retelling of A Christmas Carol with Bill Murray as a truly vile TV executive who learns the error of his ways thanks to four visiting ghosts. I have seen this film many time and it remains the second best celluloid version of the Charles Dickens book, behind The Muppet Christmas Carol. But that is high praise indeed. The latter movie nearly outshines The Godfather in my book.

TV

Giri/Haji: Eight episodes of crazed violence and unexpected joy from screenwriter Joe Barton. It's basically a gangster series about the Yakuza set in both Tokyo and London and it features some amazing performances, notably from Takehiro Hira as a conflicted detective who finds himself overseas trying to track down his criminal brother (Yosuke Kubozuka). It's engaging, surprising and a genuine pleasure to watch as the story unfolds over eight episodes. It should win some awards. 

The Thick of It: I am rewatching this from the start as an antidote to the recent General Election result. It remains fucking excellent.

Grading News...

I attended the annual grading at my new BJJ school and I got a couple more stripes on my blue belt to make me a three-stripe blue belt. I'm pretty pleased with this. I feel like I've made genuine progress this year: I now train in no-gi; I did OK when I competed in both gi and no-gi in the summer; and I'm certainly better than I was 12 months ago. 

The school also encourages students to test themselves in competition, which means quite a lot of my fellow grapplers have that battle-hardened edge. This is good because it keeps everyone sharp and on their mettle when we are rolling in class.

Four of my friends also got promoted from white to blue and pretty much everyone else got additional stripes for their endeavours. The two main teachers at the school also got their black belts, which was a great moment. 

When I left London Fight Factory at the end of last year, I worried I wouldn't find a place where I felt as comfortable and welcome. It really was like saying goodbye to a family. So I feel blessed to have found One Jiu-Jitsu in Guildford. They've made me welcome, worked with my skill limitations and helped a 50-year-old have the confidence to compete again. 

I'm aiming to move up a gear next year in terms of training and, with a competition already entered in February, I have a good reason to up my game. Let's go!

A Content Consumer Recommends...

Music

Black Gold: Best of Editors: Birmingham's finest current tunesmiths have released this greatest hits album with a few new songs and it's enjoyable stuff. The band have dabbled in both soaring and brooding guitar anthems, a bit of pop and lo-fi electronica, and it's not an unpleasant experience listening to the best bits of their back catalogue. Their new tune, Frankenstein, is also good stuff. But a new album of new material would be smashing.

Three Chords and the Truth by Van Morrison: I genuinely don't like criticising a Van Morrison album. The majestic Astral Weeks was the soundtrack to my first great love and I've been an admirer for some time. But this latest offering is thin stuff. It's like a VM impersonator decided to do a passable pastiche of other VM album fillers. On the plus side, I went back to Astral Weeks and loved every second of that. 

Giants of All Sizes by Elbow: The thinking man's Oasis are back with another album of mellow and tune-filled contemplations on all manner of things. It's both familiar and new and moving and comforting, like a lovely warm winter coat that will keep you toasty warm when it's pissing down with Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage outside.   

Film

My Name is Dolemite: A wonderful comedy drama telling the tale of 1970s comedian and unlikely film star Rudy Ray Moore, who carved a new niche for himself and his motley band of friends in the world of Blaxploitation cinema. Eddie Murphy is great in the lead role and Wesley Snipes is excellent as his serious actor-turned-director friend. An absolute hoot of a movie.

Replicants: Keanu Reeves goes into 'quiet-voiced serious actor' mode to manfully chomp down on a limply grim cock of a sort of modern Frankenstein sci-fi script. The whole thing is gag-reflex-inducingly bad and even the Speed, Matrix and John Wick fella can't make it seem palatable. And, fuck, how I love Keanu, despite him and several other creatives I adore, including Anthony Hopkins, Richard E Grant, Winona Ryder, Gary Oldman and Francis Ford Coppola, driving a shit-stained stake right through the concept of filming Dracula in 1995.

Comedy 
Stewart Lee: Tornado/Snowflake: A constantly brilliant performer brings his latest show to the Leicester Square Theatre. Funny, smart, thought-provoking and beautifully crafted. An utter joy. I love him. Buy a ticket. The best stand-up I have seen.

TV

The Boys: Season One: Amazon's adaptation of the blackly humorous rip-comic-lore-to-pieces graphic novel series by Garth Ennis and Darick Robertson. Simon Pegg puts in an appearance as unlikely secret operative Hughie's dad. Karl Urban, Jack Quaid and Erin Moriarty steal the acting honours in a superior ensemble piece. The second season is already slated to appear next year. Can't wait.

Pool News...

Another year of county pool has ended and it's been a largely forgettable one. I always knew I'd be missing a couple of games when the season began, so any hopes of England trials were always going to be slim. Having said that, I should have still been up in the running if I'd have taken my chances and being more ruthless and disciplined during A Team matches. I suppose a return of 18 wins from 32 frames is pretty decent at that level, though. 

I also played Seniors for the first time this year and it was OK. I struggled most of the season adapting to playing early morning matches when I was usually practising before the county match proper and I carried quite a bit of luck with me, too. But 20 wins from 28 frames is a good if somewhat flattering result. 

The main issue this year has been consistency of approach and performance. After a poor outing at a big tournament 18 months ago, I changed some things around and I've finally worked out how to mix my attacking instincts with self-preservation. I was still thrown by the new pattern of limited practise and early starts I've had to adapt to on match days, though. 

I'm not sure that I'll be back playing county pool next year. I have a new career to carve out and I want to focus on getting my Second Dan at Hapkido and move towards getting my purple belt at BJJ. Those ambitions require physical demands that I may not be able to put my body through for more than a few more years. So they have a definite 'Best before' date.

I also don't want to do anything half-hearted any more and I feel as though I've done that at pool a lot this season because I've been trying to focus on too many other things. I also don't want to do something just because it's a habit. 

The answer for next year is probably to do less better. I just need to work out what that less is and how I get it. But if pool is the thing that goes, that's OK. I've done 715 frames for the county and more than 600 A Team frames. I think I've served my time.

Phone Trouble...

My longish-serving mobile phone is on its last legs. It wasn't massively expensive, but it wasn't dirt cheap either. I am annoyed, however, that something I have taken excellent care of is on the way out after 30 months of use.

Consequently, I have been spending a few days looking for a replacement and also experimenting with new ways to get some extra life out of it. This has been driving the Missus slightly crazy and she has practically begged me to 'just buy a new fucking phone'. I say 'begged'. It was more of a threat. 

So we are in the pub on date night. I am about to show her something when my phone crashes. She goes to the loo. When she returns, I am still trying to restart it. She sits down and places her hands over mine. 

But it is not a romantic gesture. 

She then speaks in a calm and reasoned way.

'For the love of Christ. If you don't buy a new mobile, I am going to take that phone, beat you unconscious with it, then ram it up your arse sideways and let you bleed to death.'

Date nights aren't what they once were...

Carry On Teacher: Part I...

I am trying to work out what I want to do for the next 17 years of my working life. 

I don't mind journalism. But the industry has changed beyond all recognition in the past five years. I enjoyed doing it and it formed a significant part of my working life and it paid pretty well. It's also where I met The Missus, and it funded our life together and allowed us to bring The Boy up and for us all to do lots of cool things together. So I am not ungrateful, although I also worked bloody hard for everything I got out of that industry. 

But I'm not sure I want to be part of it any more. So I'm exploring other options... 

I like the idea of script editing and I think that would play to my skill sets. I also still have much love for Corrie and Emmerdale, although landing a job on two of TV's biggest shows is probably an ambitious call. And I'm up against bright young things with trust funds to pay for their work experience.

I'm also continuing to write and punt scripts out. But that is also a long-shot and, even if something is good enough, it still has to land.

So I'm looking at teaching. Ironically, I was going to move into teaching following my first couple of years out of university, but I got into journalism and it paid the bills while I was doing the things I anted to do. And it was the same story when I arrived in London, too. 

But now me and The Missus has a steady routine and we're not those young and ambitious people any more. I also like the idea of doing something that has the potential to do some societal good, rather than some of the tawdry shit I've been working on recently.

I'm quite excited by this. It's the sort of thing that can even energise an old cynic like me...

Back to Work. Nearly...

It's been a strange last three months. Me and the Missus went to Bali for one of my oldest friend's 50th birthdays at the end of July. This was ace. It was my first time in a Hindu culture and we al chilled and drank and chatted and ate.

We also did some sight-seeing and temple-visiting (as pictured above). It was lovely.

Then it was back to the UK and my return to work. I'd accepted a three-month contract at a major publishing house chief subbing two of their magazines. Week one was fine but week two saw me left with a skeleton staff, a four-day week and two magazines to get to press. And this sort of shit storm continued for about three to four weeks. Fortunately, I am used to busy and pressured environments, so I was sort of OK.

Then the whole department was called into a sudden meeting and told the work was being outsourced. Ironically, to the place I first started working in journalism some 30 years ago.

The staff on the subs desk were ace. But, if I'm honest with myself, the job was a bad fit and I should have turned it down. I smelt something was off during the interview, but I ignored it. I was just too keen to get back to work.

Even more stupidly, I turned down interviews for two jobs I would have preferred out of some sense of loyalty to the new place of work and because I had too much to do to attend them. I won't make that mistake again.

So I was back in work and I am now back looking for work. 

On the plus side, I'm now much more serious about a career shift. Journalism is in decline and I have no wish to fight over the increasingly shitty bits left over from a contracting industry.

I am thinking about teaching. Quite seriously. I need to find a job that will engage and enthuse me. I should have gone into this when I left college, but I needed to fund my community arts work. 

But, better late than never, as they say...

A Content Consumer Recommends...

Here are some things I am watching, reading or listening to at the moment that I think are very good. You may agree, disagree or not care. All of those are fine.

Films

Joker: As a comics nerd, it continually frustrates me that DC cannot seem to get a film right. They've had several goes at Batman and still haven't produced anything on celluloid as good as the seminal Dark Knight Returns series of graphic novels by Frank Miller. Suicide Squad and Wonder Woman showed signs of a sense of humour, but they were still clunky. So I approached Joker with few expectations. I was, however, pleasantly surprised as it's dark and grim and really good. They've stolen bits from the scraps of Joker origin stories that exist in the DC Universe and set it in a Gotham on the brink of societal collapse, which nicely mirrors the rise of the right happening in the western world at the moment. The whole enterprise may be a thinly disguised vehicle for Joaquin Phoenix (above) to have a tilt at the Best Actor Oscar, but the movie certainly ticks the box for comics stuff for adults. And Phoenix is still excellent. The 'Like' button is hit on this one.

Music

The Slow Show: The album Lust and Learn is my first experience of the Manchester indie outfit who sound like a low-fi version of Elbow. And that's not intended to damn them with feint praise either. Rob Goodwin's croaky baritone is a thing of beauty, and the beautiful brass, string and piano arrangements that fill this offering are joyous and contemplative in equal measure. I've also had a listen to two of their other Albums, White Water and Brother, and they are similarly wonderful. 

New Model Army: These long-time indie folk rock icons remain something of a permanent fixture on my playlist and their most recent album, From Here, is the usual  mix of poetry, anger and call to arms. The Weather remains the standout track.

Podcasts

You're Dead to Me: This is basically Horrible Histories for adults. A guess academic and a guest comedian join host Greg Jenner to discuss potted and very entertaining histories on a range of topics. My fave two shows so far are the episodes on Joan of Arc and Boudica. But there are many other delights on offer.

TV

The Mash Report: I like comedian and telly person Nish Kumar and I adore the political satire show, The Mash Report. It always delivers. The only slightly worrying thing is this show, and the likes of YouTube sensation Jonathan Pie, are increasingly seeming less satirical and more like fair and balanced news commentary. But that's probably a sign of how shit things are in the real world.

Competition Time: Part II...

I needed to cut weight for a BJJ tournament, so I tried to relinquish my usual self-reward system of chocolate and craft beer. I did this pretty successfully and I made my fighting weight of 12 stone and 12 pounds with a bit to spare.

On getting back from the event, the Missus was chuffed it had gone OK and she took me to the pub for a couple of pints. The celebratory treat also ran to a couple of packets of over-priced cashew nuts. She was even quite effusive about my performance.

'It sounds like you had a good day. You gave 14 years to two opponents and won one fight and lost the other by the narrowest of margins,' she says, politely ignoring the comprehensive loss of my third fight.

I then show the Missus my podium picture. She smiles and says she is quite proud of me. This must be what proper men who do heroic deeds feel like all the time. I head to the toilet. I return from the loo. The pub table has nuts all over it. The pride-in-husband look has gone from my wife's face.

She waits for me to sit down before it begins.

'You've opened the nuts the wrong way. Who opens nuts along the side instead of the top? You fucking idiot!'

Back to normal then...

Competition Time: Part I...

Since taking redundancy, I've trained consistently hard at my new BJJ gym in Guildford. I've probably trained more consistently here in the last six months than at any other point in my martial arts life. It obviously helps that the pressures of work are not interfering, but it's just been an absolute blast to put the hours in. 

Most of the belts my level and above pretty comprehensively murder me at the gym, and several of the white belts are rapidly improving and catching me in submissions, too. But BJJ remains an utter joy. You can't have an ego doing it. You've just got to continue rolling and learning. I've also been doing No Gi for about six months, too, which is faster and has different handles to get to grips with. 

I've had such a good time here that I decided I'd compete again, so I entered the Brighton Open in the No Gi, Gi Absolutes and Gi categories. I had no idea what to expect in the No Gi, but I felt I had a decent chance in the Gi category if I was fighting in my age bracket. 

Up first was the No Gi. I fought a muscled opponent 15 years younger and quickly got full guard. I defended the position and tried a couple of attack and sweeps. I got an advantage point up and I scraped the win. There were only two of us the category so I got Gold. An unexpected win.

I then had a six-hour wait until I fought in the Absolutes in Gi. I again got full guard early and I tried a couple of sweeps and attacks. But after five minutes, the match was pointless so it went to a referee's decision. I lost this, but I was sort of happy enough. Even though I was exhausted.

I then had ten minutes until my Gi fight in my age category. I was feeling OK about this, but it didn't go to plan. I got the opponent in my guard, then I just made daft mistake after daft mistake. I'd been very disciplined in my previous fights, but I lost that mental discipline in this fight. I have no complaints about losing. He was better than me on the day. I'm just annoyed I screwed up and made life difficult for myself.

But competition is always tough and I had two good fight performances out of three. Next time out, my discipline and game plan will be getter and my gas tank will be better because I'll drop the Absolutes and just compete in two events. 

The best thing about the whole day, though, was the level of support I got from my fellow team-mates. It was contagious and I certainly returned the favour when they were fighting. Everyone I saw fight from the gym tried their nuts off and there were notable successes for quite a few people. But even the ones who didn't medal went out and tested themselves and will be better for it. 

A rising tide floats all boats. And improving standards and greater fighting experience gathered at this event will hopefully mean all our ships are on the move.

Three Times Tables...

I wrote a short play and put it on at Guildford Fringe Festival as part of a new writing showcase last week. It was a 15-minute comedy featuring characters I'd played with before and I also chose to direct for the first time in 20 years. 

I made the decision very early on that I was going to hire three professional actors/friends I'd worked with before. The reasoning behind this was that I'd be working with good people and, if my writing wasn't up to scratch, then at least their performances would cover my inadequacies and help make the show better. 

The good news was that they were great. The script was quite good, too. 

I also did this as a sort of test run to see if I wanted to properly create and direct my own work again and I think the answer is 'Yes'. So I'm planning to do a full-length show involving the same three characters again next year and I'm hoping to get the same cast. 

I now just have to work out what the value of it all is and how I can make it work to showcase my comedy writing and attract an agent. Because it's good to do good work with good people. But it would be better to do it as part of a cohesive strategy that may get me somewhere further up the ladder.

A Content Consumer Recommends...

Here are some things I am watching, reading or listening to at the moment that I think are very good. You may agree, disagree or not care. All of those are fine.

Films

The Girl with All the Gifts: Under-rated sci-fi thriller with a brain and an eco conscience. Sennia Nanua is incredibly good in the lead role as the girl who just might be able to save humanity from a fungal infection that is threatening mankind. Paddy Considine, Gemma Arterton and Glenn Close also star.

The Silence: Stanly Tucci leads an impressive ensemble cast in this tale of a desperate father doing all he can to save his family when a zombie apocalypse happens. A sleeper hit deserving of a wider audience. 

The Imitation Game: Amazingly good drama telling the story of Alan Turing and his quest to crack the enigma code. Benedict Cumberbatch is brilliant as the maths genius whose homosexuality saw him persecuted, despite playing such a pivotal role in ending World War Two and saving millions of lives.

Music

Frank Carter and the Rattlesnakes: End of Suffering: Less drive and less aggression and a bit more mellow tune-smithing makes an album that is still definitely Frank Carter but has bits of more gentle Foo Fighters thrown into the mix. A real grower.

Bruce Springsteen: Western Star: I am a reasonably long-time fan of Springsteen, so any new release is always treated with genuine happiness at From to Paternity Towers. Western Star is a laid-back piece of big vistas and small-town hope with the usual Boss nostalgia and poetry thrown into the mix. Utterly beautiful and entirely captivating. 

Bruce Springsteen: The River: I am fully aware this is considered by many to be his masterpiece, but I've never been a massive fan. I've always preferred the bombast and politics of Born in the USA, and I think The Rising and it's mix of heartbreak and hope remains his finest album to date. I am still endeavouring to get into this, though.

Podcasts

The Royal Court Theatre Podcast: Three seasons of Simon Stephens, who is a bit of a man crush, interviewing the great, the good and the breaking through of British theatre writing. Both informative and inspiring, and Stephens is a funny and knowledgeable host.

TV

Years and Years: Six-part drama from Russell T Davies that follows a family (pictured above) through an invented future in the UK where America drop a nuclear bomb and the right seize power in Britain. Lots of dystopian stuff about politics, refugees and technology, but also amazingly heart-warming stuff about the unconquerable spirit of humanity and the struggles of a tight-knit clan to make it through. A sometimes terrifying and uplifting vision of a world that could well come to pass. Rory Kinnear, Jessica Hynes and Russell Tovey lead an all-star cast, but it's Anne Reid who shines as the family matriarch.

Jessica Jones: Series three provides a disappointing end to a show that started with such promise and confidence. It's still watchable, but it diminished a bit in series two and badly tails off here. It should have ended with a bang and not a whimper. Krysten Ritter is always decent, but even she can't fight against a clunky script. Aneesh Sheth, however, is excellent as the sharp-tongued new receptionist as Alias Investigations. 

Coronation Street: Loving David Platt and Nick Tilsley at war, and I could genuinely sob at the still touching relationship between Roy Cropper and recovering Carla Connor.

New Rules...

I've been trying to nutshell a more focused life strategy comprising everything I have learnt in 50 years. But you obviously can't boil everything down to its core components. 

Having said that, I have still tried. So here is my first go at it. In five easy bullet points. Because I understand the need for brevity. 

1) Have a goal 

2) Don't repeat mistakes 

3) Be kind 

4) Don't behave like a cunt

5) Even if other people are

I think that's pretty much it.

Stormzy: Britain's Most Important Artist...

In the interests of full disclosure, here are a few things to bear in mind about the bloke writing this.
No.1: He is white. 
No.2: He grew up in an East Yorkshire town where the idea of racial integration meant having a Chinese takeaway. 
No.3: He lived in London for 15 years. That was very different to the above experience. But it was still a nice bit of London with only a couple of stabbings nearby.
No.4: He has no great appreciation of grime music. 
No.5: He is 50 years old.

Consequently, watching Stormzy headline on the main stage at Glastonbury on Friday wasn't a thing I was expecting to be bowled over by. But the show he delivered was fucking astonishing for all sorts of reasons. 

His set was a combination of assured showmanship, political comment and part tribute to the artists who'd paved the way for him and his generation. 

The showmanship element was hugely impressive. He didn't just put on a show. He owned the stage in a way that few artists before him had done. The stage craft and the use of a supporting cast that included gospel singers, BMX riders and Chris Martin was beautifully assembled. But it was the political content that helped elevate it from just an excellent show to a vital and important piece of contemporary art. 

From Stormzy's walk-on uniform of a stab vest with a tattered Union Jack emblazoned on the front, to the short ballet interlude discussing the relatively recent innovation of non-white shoes for black dancers, to the use of the David Lammy commentary about knife crime and the prospects for young black men, it was an object lesson in how to elevate entertainment into something else entirely. 

Here was a young man taking the moment of his life and turning it into something that was about so much more than just promoting him and his music. He was using it to bring attention to all sorts of social ills. 

Meanwhile, back in the non-music world, we've seen a mainly white and massively privileged Tory leadership race where most of the candidates have avoided difficult questions or just told outright lies. Their concerns: their own agendas and retaining power at all costs. And the people suffering because of austerity: fuck 'em.

On the basis of what I saw at Glastonbury this year, I think there is an argument to be made for Stormzy being the most important artist in the UK at the moment. And, just to be clear: when I say he is the most important artist in the UK, I mean in any discipline. 

His work discusses difficult and complex issues, such as gang culture, drugs and knife crime in London, and he remains outspoken about matters that should be a source of national shame such as Grenfell. And these also fuel his work.

For my part, I am humbled by my own lack of engagement in the fight. It is good to be reminded of what is possible, though. It's inspiring stuff.

I am a convert to the church of Stormzy.

Goodbye Theresa May...

In a spooky moment of synchronisity with major political events in the UK, our robot vacuum cleaner, which we named Theresa May, also stopped working last Friday just before midday. 

I always had very little faith in the politician, Theresa May. But I am slightly annoyed at the robot cleaner, Theresa May, as it was quite pricey and I expected some degree of competence that it has not delivered. 

On the plus side, however, the robot cleaner has not done the following:

Endorsed an unnecessarily brutal austerity drive that have viciously attacked the poorest and most vulnerable members of society.

Created a hostile environment that has seen British citizens and their families deported.

Overseen a rise in child poverty that would shame the Victorians.

Endorsed economic policies that have seen the richest 1000 people in the country grow their wealth by £50billion.

And that's before discussing the ongoing tragedy of Grenfell, the disgraceful treatment of the disabled and the limp-cock-shambles that is her attempt to resolve Brexit. I could go on...

But, in conclusion, a broken vacuum cleaner is better than the UK Prime Minister because it has at least worked some of the time.

Other Woman News...

The Other Woman has just been promoted to Second Dan at Hapkido. 

She's trained in this Korean martial art for 13 years and she's come through a badly broken arm to reach this latest stage in her journey. I thought the grading where she was presented with her belt would be quite moving and I did feel a few teary moments. But it also just seemed right that she was getting a thing she's consistently worked for. I was dead chuffed for her. 

Even better, though, was a story involving the Other Woman appearing on a radio show where she was being interviewed in a pre-record and she was asked a question off-script. 

Asked about what the kindest thing she'd ever done involved, she honestly said that she once shared a chocolate bar with a friend. If you know the Other Woman and her obsessive love of all things chocolate, you'd fully understand that this registers as high as charitable giving and being a blood donor on her scale of random kind acts. 

But realising that this made her sound like the embodiment of selfishness, she then panicked and added 'Oh! But I do try to approach every day with a smile!' 

This is perhaps the greatest lie my beautiful but acid-tongued friend has ever told. It kept me and several other mutual friends amused for the rest of the evening.

So I may now have to bow to my best friend as she is a senior belt. But I will also keep myself entertained by doing so with a massive smile. Because I like to approach every bow to my Other Woman with a smile. I may even buy her a Little Miss Sunshine t-shirt. 

A Content Consumer Recommends...

Here are some things I am watching, reading or listening to at the moment that I think are very good. You may agree, disagree or not care. All of those are fine.

Films

Hellboy: Neil Marshall (The Descent and Dog Soldiers) takes over the directorial reins from dark magical fairytale master Guillermo del Toro to create a more wise-cracking and gory reboot. David Harbour is in decent form under the red make-up and prosthetics worn by Ron Perlman in the previous two outings. Milla Jovovic as the bad queen is basically walking the script. Ian McShane takes the John Hurt role. Not entirely convinced by this offering but I also didn’t hate it. 

The Ritual: A horror movie that seems to borrow lots from The Descent in that it’s about a group of friends who lose one of their number in a grim incident, then head off to the wilds to grieve and reconnect. Instead of an underground cave system in North Carolina, it’s the Scandinavian wilderness. Instead of a family of blind underground flesh-eaters, it’s part-animal and part-god creature from Norse mythology. Rafe Spall is watchable as the unlikeable arsehole who helps lead his pals into this mess.  

Music

The Unthanks: Unaccompanied as We Are: Folk singing sisters Rachel and Becky Unthank are joined by fiddle player and vocalist Niopha Keegan on a nationwide tour. The deal: no musical instruments and just the voices of the trio. Me and the Missus saw them at the Union Chapel in London and it was pared-down vocal sorcery as they covered a wide range of their own and other people’s material. It was haunting, wonderful and truly uplifting. The tour continues and tickets are still on sale here.

TV

Derry Girls: The second series of Lisa McGee’s immensely touching and laugh-out-loud sitcom about four Irish schoolgirls and their English pal is amazingly good. It’s a real ensemble piece loaded with pitch-perfect performances. I adore Siobhan McSweeney as no-shit Sister Michael and Tommy Tiernan’s beleaguered dad, Gerry. Ian McElhinney’s Granda Joe is also a wonderful and terrifying creation.

Back to Life: A truly beautiful comedy-drama written by Daisy Haggard and Laura Solon, which follows a recently released convict (Haggard) coming back to her home town. Hated by her local community and loved by her ageing parents, she faces various traumas as the audience gradually learns why she went to jail in the first place. Haggard is amazing and shows real depth as central character Miri, while Geraldine James and Richard Durden are fantastic as Miri's worried mum and dad. Adeel Akhtar nearly steals the show with a brilliantly understated performance as next-door neighbour Billy. The delicate pacing and cinematography filming the Kent coast deserve a mention, too.

Avengers: Endgame: A Short Review...

I am a huge comics fan and I thought Avengers: Infinity War was an amazing superhero blockbuster with surprising emotional impact. 

In fact, lots of films in the Marvel Comics Universe have been excellent. The Iron Man trilogy and the Guardians of the Galaxy movies were great fun, Black Panther and Thor: Ragnorok were astonishingly slick entertainment, and Captain America: Winter Soldier was intelligent and gripping. For my money, the latter was probably the best of the lot, too. 

Of course, I'll never forgive the studio for the abomination that was the 2003 Daredevil film. That remains such a painful experience that it has almost been expunged from my memory. The fabulous bits of the three Daredevil Netflix TV series did help heal that particular wound, though. 

But back to Avengers Endgame. I wanted this film to be really good. But I also wanted to be a handsome and competent lover and that never materialised either. 

In brief, and without revealing any major spoilers, I felt a bit let down by it all. It's not that it isn't very good. In parts it absolutely is. And some of the parts are really smart and really entertaining. But it's too many tiny bits and aren't-we-clever moments and I'm not convinced they all combine to create a dynamic enough whole. 

The plot felt a bit like an extended episode of Scooby-Doo where all the gang come together, thanks to a bizarre sequence of events, to kick off a rescue mission. And Thanos would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those pesky super-powered kids!

There is emotional involvement in it. There are a couple of sacrifice moments and a couple of cool bits of character development. It also rewards viewers who are familiar with all the previous Marvel films. But it also relies on that knowledge a bit too much and there's a lot of plot exposition to explain what the Scooby gang have to do to undo the Thanos 'snap'. 

There are lots of bits where it feels the movie's creators are slapping themselves on the back a little too much. One glaring moment of this occurs in a massive battle scene where the studio has a moment where it almost acknowledges how great it is at establishing strong female roles. I appreciate this is a callback to an earlier moment in another film but it also felt a bit shouty.

It's a real curate's egg of a movie for me. The script obviously had lots of work to do to resolve the narrative carnage that was created after Avengers: Infinity War. But it does succeed in doing that. Albeit in a bit of a sometimes clunky way. It does have emotional impact, too. And it lays some nice foundations for potential things to come.

Its key issue, though, is that Avengers: Infinity War created such massive high stakes that it could never match it for narrative tension. So it ends up feeling a little bit episodic and a bit too valedictory where all the key characters have their moments. 

On the plus side, and this is spoiler country, Howard the Duck does make a brief appearance and there's a fleeting mention for Captain Britain fans, too. 

I will still go see it again, though. And probably again...