The Zen Of Pool: Part IV...

There are times when playing pool is like learning to fall at hapkido...

You can spend month after month worrying about it and stressing over what can go wrong but then there comes a moment where you just have to stop worrying about it and just go for it. Falling at hapkido took me three years to learn properly and it wasn't until I got over the fear of flipping my legs over my head and crashing down on my back and just got on with it that it all suddenly clicked.

And I could have done with remembering this last night at pool as I got caught up in the worry rather than getting on with it.

Because last night I played a match that should have been pretty winnable. And even though my opponent is a good player he's a player I feel I can beat and when I went into a 2-0 lead and was playing well I felt everything was on track.

Then I missed a shot and like an idiot I let it prey on my mind. And I know better than this because that way madness lies...

Then I missed another shot and another chance and mentally I hit the self-destruct button as I got more frustrated and my game collapsed and I lost 5-6.

I was annoyed because I'm close to playing really well at the moment and it just didn't go for me last night and I allowed it to gnaw away and it's hard enough trying to beat an opponent without beating yourself and I forgot this...

Then to add insult to injury when the match was over and I playing afterwards I was potting out of my skin. Bugger...

But lesson learnt. From now on I'm going to stop worrying about bad form and just get on with it. And I'm not going to worry about missing shots. Like falling at hapkido I am past the point where I should be worrying about what could go wrong and I should simply focus on getting on with it.

Excellence is a habit. And excellence is a mental approach as well as a practical one.

Boxing Cleverer...

So I arrive at hapkido early this morning and I've finally worked up the courage to ask my instructor for permission to venture into the world of boxing on the basis that it will expand my hapkido skill set in an area I feel still needs much work...

So I approach her with my little pre-formed speech about why I want to do it buzzing around in my head and before I open my mouth she smiles and says:

'Paul...'
'Saboumnim...'
'I've just been reading this book and I think it's something you'd really like. I don't know why but I thought of you when I finished reading it...'

She hands me a book. It's title is Looking For A Fight: How A Writer Took On The Boxing World From The Inside. I smile and marvel at the moment of serendipity.

I explain how I wanted to talk to her about boxing too so I tell her what my current plan is and how her choice of book lend was very prescient. After some thought she agrees it would be good for me to box if I think it will aid my hapkido studies. She also smiles at this unlikely meeting of topics and minds.

Coincidence or empathy? It's beautiful either way...

Boxing Clever...

I am toying with the idea of doing a six-month stint at a white-collar boxing club called Cityboxer which is located near work.

I promised myself I would work on my hand techniques for hapkido this year and my punching in particular needs some work, so this could be ideal as I could go a couple of dinnertimes a week and brush up using their equipment.

The only thing that slightly puts me off is the American-style hard sell of the website which has the tagline 'You can play football, you can play rugby... but you can't play boxing!'

It's also quite pricey at £50 per month with a £100 signing-up fee and a £30 initial consultation fee too. But it may be worth it as with my cycling, my hapkido and this as well I'll be too tired to do anything else – including defend myself should I ever be attacked. Oh, the irony...

The Zen Of Pool: Part III...

Back to the Knockout Cup in the eightball pool singles league I play in last night and a semi-final match with an old friend.

He's a good match player with several England trials under his belt and a raft of local and regional trophies and titles. He also rarely gives frames away so it always going to be a decent test. At the start of the match I took my chances and raced into a 4-1 lead then missed a few 'gettable' chances and ended up losing 5-6.

It was an odd game as I always felt totally in control until the last frame when I had a bit of chasing to do and couldn't quite win it back. It was a bit annoying to lose a match I felt I could have won but I've recently played four matches against two very good players and I've won two and lost two so it's not a bad return.

Also on the plus side I feel I'm slowly getting back into a frame of mind where I know what I'm doing and my thinking is becoming much clearer. Even better I'm timing the ball well again and feel as though I can pot pretty much anything. I'm also starting to 'see' shots again, the sort of shots that can change games or make a non-clearance a 'gettable' clerarance. I am aware my risk-taking has to be tempered though.

It's an odd thing as I don't like losing and I was annoyed to lose last night but I can take it at the moment because I'm starting to feel confident around a table again so it's just a matter of keeping going and keeping the faith.

It's like spin kicks at hapkido. These are a tough kick and the first time I tried them I was rubbish at them but by keeping going I learnt how to do them and now they are my strongest kick as they are just auto-programmed in through constant repetition.

'Excellence is a habit' says Master Chang and at the moment I'm retraining myself in good habits on a pool table. My pool school report so far would be 6.5/10 with the potential for a 7.5/10 in the next few weeks.

Brighton Rocks... Nearly...

Me and the Missus went to Brighton for the weekend leaving the Boy in charge at home so he and some friends could neck beer, watch movies and play poker.

Brighton is something of a regular haunt for me and the girl and we've had a few weekends away there and it's even somewhere we're looking at relocating when we eventually move out of London (St Albans and Guildford are also on the list).

I saw two things I'd never seen before this weekend, though. The first was a canine fashion shop called Doggy Fashion. This instantly brought a schoolboy smirk from me. The second, however, was a gay porn and sex toys shop called Brighton Prowler.

I thought this was a bit odd as sex is usually marketed as a passionate or fun thing these days and naming a shop Prowler is hardly a fun or naughty name. In fact it's quite disturbing and is really only one step away from potential rape and a bit like calling a dating agency Rohypnal.

Needless to say, I didn't go into either place...

Mint Lamb...

A friend put me onto a free music streaming site called www.songza.com the other day so I could listen to streamed music all day at work.

So I had a play with it and found it was pretty fab and pretty comprehensive. Then I thought I'd listen to Gorecki's Sorrowful Symphony, which is a piece I read about in my current journey into classical music.

So I stuck the word 'Gorecki' into the search engine and I came up with a song called Gorecki by a trip-hop band called Lamb.

And I have to say it's pretty bloody splendid so I'm now on my way to purchase the Lamb back catalogue. It's great finding new music – especially when you're looking for something else...

The Zen of Eightball Pool: Part II...

I played two pool matches last night against a very good player who's a former pro and by some way the best player in the singles league I play in at Sutton.

As I hadn't played all week I decided to get there early and put some table time in and I was playing frighteningly well beforehand. My potting was clean and I was being creative in clearing the balls so I started our league game relaxed and full of confidence, but in the match I suddenly couldn't find my start button and I got frustrated that I couldn't take advantage of some decent chances and I ended up getting a deserved booting.

There's no disgrace in this as he's a very good player but it was so frustrating as I was playing so well earlier in the evening and, even if I lost our game, I was confident I could still put in a decent performance and keep it close. Sadly I didn't.

With the league match over we then had a cup match and I had about a 20-minute break before we started playing again. But this time it was a totally different story.

I stopped getting annoyed if I missed chances and stopped trying to force my game and force clearances that simply weren't there. I got my head on, dug in and played some really good match-play pool and narrowly won.

So what was the difference. What happened in that 20 minutes?

For a start I was certainly more determined in the second game because I'd lost so badly in the first. I also tightened up my game and started playing the correct shots instead of attacking at any given opportunity and trying to get creative.

And this is not particularly like me. For so long my pool game relied on potting and creative table brinksmanship to produce results that it's still something of a habit – even though I now no longer have that creativity or vision so readily to hand.

My head was also much stronger in the second game and I gave very little away and more or less played the correct shots at the correct time. To be totally honest I don't enjoy playing like this as I prefer to attack when I can but maybe this is now the sort of player I have to become.

It's a compromise of results versus enjoyment but as I don't enjoy losing it's not really that much of a compromise. So the lesson learnt is maybe I need to toughen up mentally and get back to how I used to be many years ago when winning every game used to matter so much.

When I grade at martial arts my focus is usually what gets me through because I'm so totally in tune with what I'm doing that I have no fear of anything that I may be asked to do. And it was a bit like that at pool last night. I suddenly had no fear because my focus was suddenly there.

At hapkido I'm now trying to not have dodgy classes where I'm there but not really there as my mind is elsewhere. And I now obviously need to introduce this discipline into my pool game and tap into this focus when I need it.

As the head of my martial arts academy says 'Excellence is a habit' and I need to make my hapkido at grading standard at every class and I need to make my pool matchplay excellent again and not just in matches where I suddenly need to win. I obviously just need to reteach myself an old habit.

And last night was a good start to that on the pool front and as well as I've played in 18 months...

Has Bean...

It was comfort food for tea tonight with chicken, chips and beans.

So I was quietly sat at the table arranging my chips into a dam-like construction on my plate to prevent the tomato sauce spilling out everywhere. The dam was a thing of beauty and it corralled the beans perfectly and, if the truth be told, I imagined myself attached to a mini-helicopter swooping down and taking in the view like it was some bizarre geological structure in miniature.

Then I noticed an unusual thing. The Missus and the Boy were silent so I looked up to find their two bemused faces faces looking down at me. Then the Boy adopted a caring tone of voice and asked the following question:

'I don't with to be rude...'
'Right...'
'...but do you think you could be autistic?'

The Missus bursts out laughing and I try to defend myself by explaining it's just good plate logistics but there is apparently no defence. I am now branded subnormal in my own home by my Boy for combining the twin assets of practicality and imagination.

Family life is over-rated in my opinion...

Other Woman News...

The Other Woman confessed to me that she once dressed up as a tarty cocktail waitress and, with her friend Fat Tom who was dressed as a clown, shook buckets outside Westminster Tube for Rag Week when she was a student.

She made a stack-load of money, which apparently made her consider an alternative career as a prostitute. But she decided on a career in journalism instead. The morality is the same but the pay slightly more stable.

I love my Other Woman. She makes me laugh...

The Zen Of Eightball Pool: Part I...

I’ve recently been discussing theories on how to get 'in the Zone' when playing pool with a friend so I decided to apply some martial arts logic to it and here's what I've come up with...

Whenever the head of our academy visits the UK he lectures on ki meditation and he always has a jar of water with some dirt at the bottom.

At the start of the lecture he shakes the jar so the dirt mixes with the water and it becomes cloudy. He then likens the jar to the human mind, which has so many different things whizzing around it that it’s sometimes hard to find mental clarity. Like the jar, if the mind can become still and relaxed and park itself it can settle and like the jar of dirty water it can become clear again.

He always says there are many reasons to meditate – abdominal breathing promotes health, learning to promote ki can increase physical power, calmness can promote love and understanding, and so much more – but one of the key reasons is to clear what he calls ‘impurities’ from the mind and to allow us to see with clarity.

Now I totally buy into this because I know what I was like before I started doing ki meditation. I also know that the Tuesday morning class that I do, where it’s a 45-minute ki class followed by an hour’s hapkido class, is always where I learn the most because I arrive at the hapkido class relaxed and removed from any of the hassles that may have been plaguing me because of the meditation before it.

I can reach this state pretty much whenever I want now as I’ve been doing ki meditation for a while and if I’m ever stressed I just pop into the garden, meditate for a bit, play with my speedball or my nunchucks and I’m sorted again. It is a brilliant little life tool to have at your disposal.

Now… how can this apply to pool?

Well one of the cornerstones of most martial arts is a theory called ‘mushin’ which translates as ‘no mind’. But this doesn’t mean no thought – it means react without thinking, which again comes from having clarity of thought without other stuff to get in the way. Master Chang always says ‘excellence is a habit’ by which he means constant repetition and correct execution of techniques lead to excellence. So eventually students react out of habit because it’s all auto-programmed.

Now I reckon this also applies to pool and it’s something I’ll be testing out this year. A long pot is just a long pot. If you’ve knocked it in ten times out of ten then the circumstances of that pot don’t change it. It’s still just a pot but it needs clarity to see that.

So in class when I feel my attention slipping I always remember to put my hands on my belt in a ‘ready’ position. So I’m trying a similar technique at pool. If I feel I’m rushing or losing focus I’ve given myself a similar little trigger technique just to kick me back in.

Now these ideas may not grant immediate access to the fabled 'Zone' but I reckon they are pointers to it. I’ll see how things go and report back some time soon…

Charity Cases...

I was walking to work today and two girls were trying to collect money in buckets for 'rag week'.

I didn't realise even that had charitable status now. Women's lib, eh?

Masterchef...

In the old days Masterchef was perfect Sunday afternoon telly.

There was speccy Loyd Grossman and his glottoral rape of every vowel in the English language as the host, plus a guest chef who’d come in and judge the three contestants all keen to show off their culinary skills. Each show would have a winner and the series would end with a final where somebody would win a glass bowl or some nice crystal decanter.

They even used the same format to have specials where horribly precocious kids called Tarquin or Jemimah would demonstrate their skills with a soufflé and explain how ‘Mummy and daddy simply adored their strawberry jous’. It’s true that you probably wanted to throat punch the kids involved to death while their restrained parents watched on helplessly but it was a more innocent time and it was nice telly.

But those days are long gone. Oh yes-sir-eee…

The current run of Masterchef has been going on for what seems like an eternity and instead of one little show on a Sunday afternoon just before you turn over for Bullseye the BBC have realised they have a ‘brand work horse’ and are subsequently flogging that horse to within an inch of its life.

Now it’s on for 30 minutes Monday to Wednesday with an hour show on Thursday and instead of Lloyd Grossman we now have acclaimed chef John Torode (a sort of Richard Parks with better hair) and Gregg Wallace (who resembles what Phil Mitchell’s gay academic brother should look like).

To create added spice they’ve also changed the format. It used to just about three people cooking but now each heat starts with six contestants who all whip up an opening dish from previously unseen ingredients. Three wannabes are dumped out at this stage while the three who made it through are sent off to work in a professional kitchen before coming back to create a two-course meal with the winner making the final show on Thursday.

The final 30 minutes of the Thursday show sees that week’s four heat winners battle it out for a place in the semi-finals. But it’s not just based on cooking. Oh, no. Torode and Wallace grill the remaining quartet in what’s called a Passion Test where they have to identify several ingredients then tell the hosting duo why they love cooking so much. It’s supposed to be a chance for them to show how they feel about food but it really amounts to begging on TV in the hope they’ll get through to the next round. It’s an irksome bit of the show.

I can’t decide whether the new Masterchef is really good or really awful. Torode can be a right grumpy old bugger and Wallace, a grocer by trade, plays the cockney barrow boy so much that you often want to take a meat skewer and drive it through one ear and out of the other just to see if he’ start talking like a normal person.

What I do know, however, is that in its new format the BBC have made it into a long and drawn-out affair and by my calculations the current series will end some time in 2023. By which time Wallace will be presenting the show round the old Joanna dressed in a pearly king costume while Torode is dressed in a toga and feeds him jellied eels.

It’s how it ends in my head…

Other Woman News...

I’ve been Other-Woman-less for a few weeks so I was a tad concerned when she emailed me in a panic.

Apparently she’d been training then went back to her parents’ house so that she and her sister could watch a movie and mourn the passing of tragic movie heartthrob Heath Ledger by watching one of his films.

Sadly she didn’t have one of his films so they decided to watch the musical comedy Hairspray instead. She felt very guilty about this but I told her I’m sure it’s what he would have wanted.

I paid my own respects by dressing Jake Gyllenhaal as a cowboy, dragging him into a tent in the American wilds then raping him.

I’m sure it’s what he would have wanted too…

Thoughts For The Day...

I've finished two books over the weekend.

One was The Damned United by David Peace, which is a fact-based fictional account of Brian Clough's 44-day stint in charge of Leeds United. As a fan of both Leeds and Mr Clough it was a superb read and it just got better. Poetic and moving, it was one of the best sports books I've ever read and is easily up there with All Played Out by Peter Davies, a wonderful book about Italia 90 and England's greatest footballing journey since 1966, and Playing Off The Rail by David McCumber, a book about a journalist and a pool player taking a hustling road trip across the US.

The Other was Classic FM's Friendly Guide To Classical Music. It's a book for classical music virgins but after reading it I won't feel quite so intimidated the next time I venture into the classical music bit of HMV. It's also given me some leads on composers I like the sound of who may well sound like other composers I've so far discovered on my fledgling journey in posho music land.

I also love one of the quotes in it by Finnish composer Sibelius: 'Pay no attention to what critics say. No statue has ever been put up to a critic.'

I'll remember these words the next time somebody lambasts one of my plays. It also reminds me of one of my favourite Clough quotes when a journalist was questioning one of his team selections. Clough simply turned round and said: 'And how many European Cups have you won, son?'

Sibelius and Clough. Kindred spirits I reckon...

New Words...

NINJURY (Nin-jure-ee): Noun. An injury obtained from martials art training.

ie. 'I was sparring with the Other Woman and the Other Woman Who Loves Other Women and both roundhouse kicked me at the same time and connected and it bloody hurt. Consequently my legs are bruised and swollen and I won't be able to train for a few days. It's quite an annoying ninjary.'

More Reasons To Be Cheerful…

i) I went training on Friday afternoon and I was the only student present so I had a one-on-one class with my hapkido instructor. Most people pay quite a lot of money for this privilege but by a fluke of timing I got it for free. I then went to a senior belts class on Sunday, which was fabulous too. Both were hard work but it also proved to me that I’m sometimes actually half-decent at hapkido. I just have to remember that when I attend a senior belts class in future I should remember to actually bring my belt or I can’t tie my do-bok (uniform) up.

ii) I saw Christian Slater in Swimming With Sharks at the Vaudeville Theatre and it was OK. It’s a play about a ruthless Hollywood film-maker who slowly corrupts his assistant by forcing him to choose his career over the woman he loves. It wasn’t a major piece of work but it was thoughtful and entertaining enough. A bit like the Robert Altman film The Player but without the subtlety or skillful plotting.

iii) I saw Sweeney Todd and it’s truly wonderful, in a grotesque and grisly king of way. Johnny Deep is very strong in the title role and Helena Bonham-Carter, who I’ve only ever really liked in Planet Of The Apes (and quite fancied as a chimpanzee if I’m totally honest) was amazingly good. I may even be tempted to see it again.

iv) I started reading That Damned United, a fact-based fiction book by David Peace about Brian Clough’s 44 days in charge of Leeds United. I devoured the first 100 pages in a day. It’s a fantastic book. In fact it’s quite possibly one of the best sports books I’ve ever read.

So. Lots of reasons to be cheerful this weekend. Let’s see how long it lasts...

Reasons To Be Cheerful...

I'm returning to play for Surrey, my county pool team, in a few weeks so I've been putting in some table time and I'm starting to play quite well again.

This is quite exciting as I used to be quite a good player with a couple of England trials behind me when I lived in Surrey and I was out playing with my mates two or three nights a week. But since moving to London a gradual lack of practice, motivation and a decent place nearby to play meant my form suffered a slow but inevitable decline.

But I'm now putting the table time in and I starting to play quite well again. I don't think I'll ever be the player I was at my peak but I also wouldn't sacrifice the family, the hapkido, the writing and everything else to have that sort of form back either.

In many ways it's about accepting a compromise and I think it's something a lot of pool players have to go through at some point. You just become a different type of player who uses guile and experience as much as skill to get your wins.

But then again I also knocked in a very respectable 82 at snooker last night and I'm taking decent clearances out on a pool table again so maybe it won't be too much of a compromise after all. And if I'm back in a very strong county squad that must make me half-decent.

And it does give me the excuse to spend oodles of cash on a new cue as I'm starting to have doubts about my current one.

Maybe the Missus is right and I just needs things to obsess over...

Odds And Sods...

Some of my friends think I'm a bit odd. In fact my wife and my boy think I'm a bit odd too. But I've since realised there are many odder folk than me and I now know there always have been.

And that's because I'm currently reading an excellent book called Victorian Sensation by Michael Diamond which covers all manner of grisly spectacle and sex scandal, including the infamous Oscar Wilde trial and several murders, in 19th-century England.

It's a fabulous book and it's providing me with some good background ideas for when I start rewrites on my play about Victorian prostitution. It's also given me several interesting facts: for example, did you know that the novelists William Makepeace Thackeray and Charles Dickens both campaigned against the death penalty after seeing public hangings in London? Me neither but I do now.

My favourite bit so far, though, concerns several newspaper reporters who wrote about hanged women and commented on their sexual attraction as they swung from the gallows. One even suggested that one murderess named Maria Manning looked so alluring in her black satin death dress that it triggered a fashion trend and a demand for the material.

Now that's quite odd. And I know because I'm an expert...

On Cue...

The Missus has put up with my obsessive compulsive behaviour for many years and even the Boy now refuses to get irked by my anal retentive ways.

In fact these days he rather lovingly refers to me as 'OCD freak boy'. This may seem cruel but it is a distinct improvement on him running off to his room screaming 'Don't let the strange man near me, mummy!' which hasn't happened for several months now.

But I fear I am in the foothills of a new mania because I've started to get interested in old snooker cues, particularly Riley Tombstone cues. I first saw one of these when I started playing at about 14 and ever since I have thought they were one of the most beautifully and simply designed things I've ever seen.

So I've decided I'm going to buy one and I'm regularly scouring eBay to secure a purchase. I've even contact a few cue dealers and, even worse, I've learnt one of my mates used to buy and restore old cues – until his missus suggested he could sell most of them and find a better use for the money.

But I fear I'm now unwittingly drawing him back in and we'll eventually be like two dirty old men but instead of secretly swapping pornography we'll be swapping cue information and eBay sightings without the knowledge of our wives. And we'll each probably have a special cupboard for our buys...

Marital subterfuge. I don't think we'll be very good at it...

Happy New Year!

I hate going out on New Year’s Eve. It’s amateur drinkers hour where twats who don’t use pubs throughout the year decide to ruin it for those of us who do use them.

As our Xmas was also somewhat spoilt by the inconsiderate fucks next door it’s not been the best of Yuletide breaks but me, the Missus and the Boy ignored our two days of sonic hell and made the best of it by generally chilling out.

Myself and the Missus also made a list of goals for 2008 and, besides the things we need to do to the house and things we want to do together, there were things we want to do for ourselves.

Besides a few writing projects and returning to county pool, my list was going to include lots of hapkido goals but this particular list was cut short after I reread Bob Breen’s book Fighting.

Breen runs a successful martial arts academy in London and he’s a Jeet Kune Do specialist who’s also trained in several other styles. But Fighting emphasises the fundamental tools used by most martial artists in a systematic and thorough manner. It’s a wonderful book and consequently my hapkido list simply became one sentence: Don’t worry about learning anything new and revisit all the basics.

So that’s what I’ve been doing over the past few days in the garden and plan to do throughout the rest of the year.