'You've never met anyone like me... I'm totally unique...' spouts some posh halfwit on his audition tape for the latest series of The Apprentice.Two points flop-haired, suit-wearing, twat-face...
Point one: You're not 'totally unique' because the word 'unique' is an absolute so it should never be qualified. It would be like saying 'You are the very biggest cunt in the world' or 'You are the last-ever person I would very ever speak to if all the other people in the world were utterly dead and my life depended on human contact to stave off a wish to end it all by driving six-inch nails into my forehead with a cricket bat.' You see how that works?
Clue: the qualifying words 'very', 'ever' and 'utterly' should not be there. Like 'totally'. And I bet your education cost thousands....
Point two: TV viewers have met many people like you before. Every series of The Apprentice features at least half a dozen of you corporate-soundbite-spouting oxygen thieves. On the plus side, however, the great fun of watching the show is that the audience can piss itself laughing as you brag about how fantastic a salesman you are... then struggle to sell fish or cheese at a street market because you've failed to understand basic concepts such as pricing. You wanker.
Yes. It's back. The Apprentice kicks off next week and, as per usual, I'll be enjoying the ride as the over-educated and pompous wannabe business folk are torn a strip off by the ever-ebullient Sugar until only a few decent candidates remain.
Having looked at the audition tapes on the BBC website, this year's intake look pretty much par for the course with the usual selection of bankers, totally bonkers, stockbrokers, entrepreneurs and salesmen. There does seem to be a large number of bullish, posh City rugger-bugger blokes and three potentially kooky women. But we've met clones of most of them before in previous series. And they were humiliated. And they will be again. Great.
The only sane two out of the new bunch seem to be a woman called Joanna Riley and a former Marine named Chris Farrell. But I'm sure other favourites will emerge as the series goes on.
So enjoy. And if you have a preference for City-type fellas who are bullshit-spouting corporate arse biscuits then your luck is probably in.
No wonder the economy has collapsed if several of these are the calibre of folk in charge.
2 comments:
There is something I find challenging here.
You have made an active choice to watch this formulaic show which is has already gone through several series.
Each one I'm guessing has similar characters going through the contest (I haven't actually seen any) with similar, rather predictable results.
Since this attracts & will always be full of the same people i.e. barely educated imbeciles who find basic language complicated & have trouble with the idea that they are basically the same as all of the other 'individual' drones around them, one has to ask why watch?
TV will always produce people like this & in fact the power of the media machine is such that simple minded people who often watch things like this take the people featured there as unconscious role models & so become more like them.
By watching this you are in fact encouraging them & ensuring that the world produces more people of this level banality.
The most disturbing fact for you must be the realisation that you yourself will be influenced by these people (now that must be scary).
Have a nice day :-)
Can't say that I watch it religously, but let's be honest - we watch it to see these twats humiliated! What makes it even better is that the majority of them are so smug!
ps; I see on your profile that you listed Neil Sedaka. Respect - I must be getting old or something, but I had to leave him off! Probably the fear of my beloved seeing it!!!!
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