Glastonbury: Part II...

Things I learnt from watching Glastonbury on the telly this weekend:

i) Anna Calvi is pretty bloody amazing. She's playing London soon and I'm going. Fact.

ii) I actually like Coldplay. I have now bought three of their albums and found the one I accidentally stole from my mate Spindle. And I will listen to them. Repeatedly.

iii) I still like some of U2's music but will no longer replace my old U2 vinyl with CDs/MP3s as it funds tax-dodging hypocrites. That's you Bonio. And your mates. Scum the lot of you. I don't care if you wrote Two Hearts Beat As One.

iv) I think I would like Elbow if I gave them a proper go.

v) My days of festival going are well and truly over. I'm now veering onto the side of the Missus. Unless it's at least four stars I'm not staying there.

vi) The BBC licence fee is a bloody bargain. Brilliant coverage of Glastonbury on TV, radio and online all weekend. Plus shedloads of other good stuff too. We should protect this institution against the threat of barbarians like Murdoch, the Tories and the rank legions of the Daily Mail at all costs. It remains a brilliant public service broadcaster and is one of the few things that genuinely makes me proud to be British.

That's probably it...

Glastonbury: Part I...

It is Friday night and me and the Missus are in bed watching the highlights of Glastonbury.

U2 have just come off stage and are being interviewed and, strangely, no mention is made of the threat of protestors turning up to their set to draw attention to the fact they are hypocrites whose lead singer bangs on about making poverty history... while at the same time channeling his and the band's money into a tax haven so they don't have to pay anywhere near the requisite amount of tax a group of multi-millionare superstars should pay.

Five minutes into the interview the Missus turns to me and says:
'No only is Bono a self-righteous cunt, not is only is Bono a self-righteous, tax-dodging cunt, but he's also a self-righteous, tax-dodging, boring cunt.'

I couldn't have said it finer than either her or than the above cartoon from the New Internationalist.

Quote Of The Day...

'A will finds a way.'
Orison Swett Marden

Breaking News...

I have broken one of my toes while training.

I would like to pretend I was kicking my way through cement blocks during a demonstration to a wowed audience... but this would be a lie. It was much less dramatic and a bit of a daft/stupid breakage that involved kicking somebody over my head during what is called a sacrifice throw and managing to get my toe caught in his belt/uniform.

I hoped it was just sprained but on waking up this morning it was very painful and very swollen so off to A&E I went. The upshot is it's broken and not dis-similar to what Wayne Rooney did to his foot. And like Wayne Rooney I have to lay of any exercise for at least six weeks. And hobble around a lot.

I did, however, think of the following joke:
Question: What is the difference between me and Wayne Rooney?
Answer 1: Wayne Rooney broke his metatarsal while I narrowly avoided that injury and instead fractured the bone below it by hyperextending the toe.
Answer 2: Wayne Rooney is successful, rich and famous and I am not.
Answer 3: I can read, I have a full head of hair and I am not a love rat.
Answer 4: I am not a cunt.

Choose the answer which you think is the funniest. Or the most accurate...

Words Of Warning...

It is Sunday morning. I say morning. It's actually mid-day. Me and the Missus are curled up in bed and watch Gok Wan on telly. She turns to me and starts to speak.

'You know... you're my favourite husband...'
She rarely says anything slightly sentimental so I enjoy the moment.

But then she adds the following:
'...so far...'

I continue to watch Gok. Sometimes saying nothing is better. And Gok will make the bad thoughts go away...