The Krankies...

It is 4am in the morning at From Beer to Paternity Towers. The Missus has woken up, put her dressing gown on and gone to the loo. I am likewise awake and I go to the loo as well. 

But we have an actress guest staying at the moment so I have to 'cover up' and not wander around the house half-naked. This, sadly, also means that I cannot do my favourite joke for at least a week. This involves the Missus waiting for me to join her if we're going out somewhere and me appearing naked, uttering the words: 'Right. I'm ready to go!' 

Apparently, after 17 years together, this is no longer funny.

So I dress and head to the downstairs loo and eventually make my way back up to the bedroom to undress before climbing into bed. 
'Where have you been?' says a sleepy but curious Missus. 
'The toilet,' I reply. 
'But you went downstairs. Why did you go downstairs?' 

The real reason I went downstairs is because I was very farty and I didn't want to potentially wake the actress with loud farts at 4am in the morning. But I didn't tell the Missus this. 
'What are you? The Wee Police?' I ask defensively.
'I just thought it was odd,' says the Missus, dropping back to sleep. 

I lie awake for a few minutes then prod the Missus. 
'Who'd be the boss of the Wee Police?' I ask. 
'I don't know,' growls an exasperated Missus, wanting to get back to sleep. 
'Chief Inspector "Wee" Jimmy Krankie,' I answer. 

There is a pained sigh. 
'You've brought images of the Krankies into our bed,' says the Missus.
'If we're renting rooms to actors, then it may only be a matter of time before they're here in the flesh,' I add.
'Go to sleep or I'm leaving you…'

I wanted to say 'Fan-dabby-dozy'. But I didn't. I don't think she'd leave. But you never know...