Grapple...

I'm working on rewrites for Melt but now also up and running with a new play about Catch Wrestling.

It's called Grapple and is going to be about how the birth of MMA is linked to a wrestling gym called The Snake Pit in Lancashire. It's also a bromance. Of sorts.

It's also loosely based on fact. Sort of...

Here's the opening scene.

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SCENE 1: INTERIOR. EZRA’S ROOM. RETIREMENT HOME.
Ezra sits in his arm chair. He is sixtysomething and solid. He wears thick glasses. His clothes suggest a wardrobe that hasn’t been updated since the early 1990s but out of necessity rather than choice. A walking frame is by the side of the chair. He uses this whenever he gets up and has to move around the room. His accent is also a strange hybrid of Lancashire and American. Ezra sits and stares at Chuck. Chuck is in his late twenties and he is lean. His clothes are fashionable and expensive. He wears jeans, a jacket and a t-shirt. He is nervous. He is American.

EZRA
Cuppa before we start?

CHUCK
A cuppa?

EZRA
Tea. Cuppa tea.

CHUCK
I don’t drink tea. Do you have coffee?

EZRA
Yes…

CHUCK
Well I’ll…

EZRA
…but it tastes like something a horse pisses out. And that would be a sick horse, too, a sick horse with a very severe bladder infection.

CHUCK
A very severe bladder infection?

EZRA
They buy the coffee in bulk to save money. But it’s cheap stuff… really cheap stuff… so it saves money but no sod drinks it. And because no sod drinks it they never have to restock it. So it saves them even more money. The buggers who run this place have probably bought… What’s an expensive car?

CHUCK
A Porsche…

EZRA
Yes. One of them… they’ve probably bought Porsches on the money they save from never having to restock coffee here.

CHUCK
Tea will be just fine.

EZRA
Smart move. (Shouting) Rose! You about?

ROSE
(Off-stage) Use the buzzer, Ezra. It’s what it’s there for.

EZRA
(Shouting) The buzzer’s over the other side of the room. I might collapse trying to reach it!

Enter Rose. She is an orderly. She is 40 and wears a nylon uniform that is part cleaner and part care professional.

EZRA
Love of my life…

ROSE
You bloody well wish…

EZRA
If I was 20 years younger…

Rose
You’d still be far too old. And I’m not getting passionate with a man whose hip may collapse at any moment.

EZRA
Lightning can’t strike twice.

ROSE
Knowing my bloody luck, it can. What do you want?

EZRA
Two cups of your finest tea, my love.

ROSE
(Turning to Chuck) We do coffee, too…

CHUCK
Tea’s just fine. Thank-you…

ROSE
We have posh coffee. We’ve got one them café-ti-ere things.

EZRA
I’ve been here 10 years and you’ve not once offered me posh coffee.

ROSE
It’s for guests only.

EZRA
Aren’t I a guest?

ROSE
You’re a resident.

EZRA
Well that means I’m a just guest who’s just decided to stay longer…

ROSE
You’re a resident.

EZRA
More like a bloody prisoner at times…

ROSE
And as to the best of my knowledge you’ve never had a guest so you wouldn’t know the protocol.

EZRA
They should shove their protocol up their bloody ar…

ROSE
Oh shut up you silly old bugger. (To Chuck) Do you want biscuits?

Chuck looks at Ezra. Ezra makes a face to suggest the biscuits will probably be worse than the coffee.

CHUCK
Posh coffee will be just fine, thank-you.

ROSE
Lovely…

Rose exits.

CHUCK
She seems nice…

EZRA
Best bloody thing in here. Only reason I stay…

CHUCK
Really?

EZRA
Among other things…

CHUCK
I don’t mean to be rude… but does anybody here know who you are?

EZRA
That’s who I used to be, son. This is who I am now.

CHUCK
But somebody must have some sort of idea?

EZRA
No bugger’s interested, son. If I was a young lass getting her bits out on telly then I’d have a fighting chance of getting somewhere. But nobody cares about who I used to be.

CHUCK
Who you still are…

EZRA
Your letter was very sweet, son, and it’s lovely to meet you, and I’m flattered that you’ve traveled so far to see me, even though I told you to spend the air fare on your young lass… but I’m afraid those days are long gone…

CHUCK
What if they’re not?

EZRA
Look at me. And I mean look at me properly… I’ve got arthritis in both knees, I need a walking frame to move from here to the piss house, and even when I get there there’s no guarantee the journey’ll have been worth the effort. I’m not sure how I can help you…

CHUCK
You’re still OK upstairs, though?

EZRA
The noddle pot? Still works fine, Buck…

CHUCK
Chuck.

EZRA
It works fine most of the time…

CHUCK
Well at least listen to what I have to say.

EZRA
I’ll certainly do that, son. I owe you that much seeing as how you’ve traveled so far.

Enter Rose with a tea tray with two cups on it.

ROSE
Sadly there’s no tea and no posh coffee so I’ve made you both normal coffee.

Ezra sighs. Chucks takes his. Rose looks at him expectantly seeking approval. Chuck and takes a drink. He looks like he’s about to gag but holds it together and swallows the coffee as Rose looks on.

CHUCK
(Hiding his gag reflex) Thanks…

Rose smiles and exits.

EZRA
Is your noddle pot working, son? Did you not listen to what I said about the coffee?

CHUCK
I was being polite.

EZRA
By poisoning yourself?

CHUCK
I didn’t want to offend Rose.

EZRA
You berk…

CHUCK
Berk?

EZRA
It’s rhyming slang. From London. It means Berkshire hunt… which rhymes with cu… Never mind. Go on… tell me what you want with a battered old man called Ezra…

Blackout. As Ezra utters his name and the lights black out there is shouting coming from off-stage saying the name ‘Ezra’. This builds to a chorus of people shouting the name to set the next scene. Cut to…