Tuesday, July 26, 2022

Work Meeting Notes: Hiking Holiday...


An occasional series based on my Tuesday morning presentation updates at work:

Morning. I am back from my hiking holiday and I survived. So that’s good, isn’t it? Sadly the two people I was taking on their first walking trip didn’t. But you can’t expect everything to go according to plan, can you?

This week, I will mainly be: 
  • Doing some writing
  • Doing some editing
  • Doing some proofreading
  • Trying to ensure we don't get sued
Finally, I thought I’d share some olde worlde homespun hiking tips I picked up from wise old hikers over the weekend: 
  • Red sky at night, Tescos is on fire, don’t shop there.
  • Don’t eat yellow snow or to the hospital you must go.
  • Don’t cross a river in spate or you’ll slip on a rock, smash your head on a jagged rock and die.
That’s all for me.

Thursday, July 14, 2022

Work Meeting Notes: Pandemonium Day...


An occasional series based on my Tuesday morning presentation updates at work:

Today is Pandemonium Day. So everyone can do whatever they want and get away with it. For purposes of legal liability, that last statement may not be true. But it should be. 
 

 
In other news, I’ll be leaving this job. As many of you know, I'm a scriptwriter and I’ve been head-hunted to write an alternative version of Stranger Things. It’s called Ordinary Things and here’s an extract:  
 
Titles. 
The words Ordinary Things flicker on a grey screen. 
The Diary of Horace Wimp by the Electric Light Orchestra plays in the background.  
Cut to a bed in an untidy bedroom.  
A figure is under the covers.  
An angry voice penetrates the silence.  
‘Eleven. Eleven. Eleven!’ 
The figure in the bed stirs.  
The angry voice continues.  
‘Eleven. It’s eleven. Get up you lazy bastard. The bins need emptying.’  
A man emerges from under the covers. 
He is bearded, has aquiline features and wears glasses. 
He has the torso of a prize fighter and the looks of a male model. 
He is the sort of man that women want and men admire. 
In the interests of balance, men can want him and women can admire him as well.  
He looks at his watch.  
‘Shit. Overslept again.’ 
Titles. 
End.

Wednesday, July 06, 2022

A Thought Experiment...


Imagine being Boris Johnson. Today. Besieged.

Now imagine being Boris Johnson in a room with Priti Patel. And the 'brains' behind the Rwanda policy is the one telling you to resign. While she stays 

What a fucking atrocity of leadership and government.

Beer Review: Salopian Polygraph Stout

It's very dark and it tastes a bit of liquorice. It's very sweet and it doesn't thicken too much as it chills. At 7.5 avb, it's not disgustingly strong and it's eminently drinkable.

Expert comment: Generous, welcoming and warm, it's like a sloppy kiss from an over-affectionate friend.