Monday, June 30, 2014

Love Is...

A friend of the Missus recently posted something on Facebook about what most women want from a partner... and it essentially boiled down to a bloke who could protect them and also make them laugh.

The conclusion of this musing by the friend of the Missus was that most women essentially want a 'Ninja clown'. The Missus contacted her friend and commented that was essentially what she'd ended up with.

Sadly, I fear the focus of her analysis was more on the 'clown' aspect that the 'ninja' one. But when compliments are in short supply, I'll take anything going...

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Reference: Carl of H&M Building Services, Guildford...



We recently hired Carl of H&M Building Services, Guildford, to rebuild a wall in our garden that had been knocked down by a storm.

We contacted him after getting a flier through our door, which claimed he had recently been made redundant and was looking to establish his own business.

We’d discussed the work with two other builders, one of who is an old friend who’s worked for us before. Sadly, he couldn’t do this job as he was to busy. Both other builders, however, told us this was a three-day job, maybe five days at most if we wanted to re-use and clean up bricks from the original wall.

So we employed Carl of H&M Building Services, Guildford, and the job took more than five weeks. The work would be started, then Carl and his colleague would disappear for long periods of time and wouldn’t be in contact, despite us leaving messages asking him what was going on.

On one memorable morning, after we’d expressed our concern that the job was taking much longer than we had expected, Carl arrived, worked for 20 minutes, then went missing for the next five days. Our phone calls went unanswered and all attempts to contact him were ignored. When he did get in touch, it was to explain that he’d had to leave urgently to attend to his other job as a contractor at a school – a job that we were not aware of and did not know would take preference over ours.

He assured us he’d be there bright and early the next day but when that came, of course, he was nowhere to been seen. Once again, days went past without him getting in touch, then we got an email in the early hours of Sunday morning saying he’d been in hospital.

Which was strange, as he seemed to be in rude health when I spotted him coming out of the Wetherspoons pub a few days before at about 11pm.

His non-attendance and reluctance to finish the work was a regular pattern, and for weeks we were left with a half-finished wall and little or no contact from him. Eventually, after more than five weeks and continued requests from us, the wall was finished. To be fair, the standard of the building work was acceptable.

What wasn’t acceptable, however, was the fact that the discarded rubble was never removed at the end of the job, as originally agreed, and, more importantly, the building supplies that were put in the school carpark at the back of our house were also not removed, as originally agreed.

So, if you’re thinking of hiring a builder in the Guildford/Woking area, my advice would be to use anyone else but Carl of H&M Building Services.

He’s unreliable, he offers excuse after excuse instead of completing work to agreed schedules, and he refuses to even have the decency to let you know when he’ll be working and when he’ll be finishing the work you’ve hired him to do.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Morally Decent Coffee...


Myself and the Missus have previously refused to support places or businesses we think are morally objectionable. It's probably a piss against a thunder storm, but we decided long ago that the only real power we have as consumers is to decide where our money gets spent.

So we refused to buy anything connected with the morally contemptible Murdoch empire a good 15 years ago and have kept that household veto going since then. More recently, tax avoiders Starbucks was added to the list in favour of Cafe Nero. But now it turns out that Cafe Nero are also major league tax avoiders so they're now added to the list. I'm also trying to wean myself off Amazon, too.

But this obviously does leave us with a problem because I now don't know where to buy a cup of coffee from somewhere that isn't part of some tax-avoiding multi-national. I think Costa may be OK but I obviously need to investigate.

Any help would be much appreciated...

Wednesday, June 04, 2014

Lexicon News...

Three new words that I am claiming to have invented.

Ninjury: (Noun) An injury sustained through martial arts training.
EG. 'I sprained my hamstring doing high jump front kicks today. It's a really annoying ninjury!'


Thickle: (Adjective) A compression of the words 'thick' and 'fickle' to describe someone that possesses both qualities.
EG. 'UKIP's election success proves how thickle the British public can be.'

Twattoo: (Noun) A tattoo that the wearer thinks makes him or her look uber-cool, but in reality makes them look even more of a twat.
EG. 'That's an awful twattoo the idiot over there is sporting.'

Tuesday, June 03, 2014

John & Jen: Part II...

The new theatre company I'm working with, Guildford Fringe Theatre Company, staged its first show of an ambitious year, which will feature a month-long Fringe Festival and another three productions. 

The play was a two-handed musical, John & Jen, and it was excellent. I appreciate I have a vested interest in this company and its shows, but it just blew me away. 

Directed by a first-time director, the show starred two seasoned West End performers, who told the story of a brother and sister in the first act, then the sister and her son in the second. 

I wasn't at all familiar with the piece beforehand as musicals aren't really my thing, but it was essentially an opera rather than a musical as the story was told almost exclusively in song. The libretto was very tight and kept the narrative drive moving, while the score helped drive the narrative pace while also allowing the piece the room to breath when it hit an emotional or contemplative moment. 

I've been feeling my way back into theatre stuff for a while now and I'm getting the urge to do a proper show again. The good thing about seeing this and being involved at a distance are that it's allowed me to build back up to doing something at my own pace but also given me a benchmark to hit. 

And I think I'm about ready to see if I can hit that benchmark. Exciting time ahead!

Record Breaker...

The Missus is always terrified I will find a new interest. She calls me a serial hobbyist and I can sort of see her point: Hapkido, BJJ, pool, playwright, theatre company producer and director, comics, etc, etc. 

While I argue that a few of the things on that list, such as the theatre stuff and the playwrighting, are not hobbies but investments in potential future income streams, she doesn't tend to complain about the amount of martial arts training I do. Or the fact that my retirement from competitive pool lasted less than eight months.

But a new interest is on the horizon after some friends bought me a record player for my birthday. It's a beautiful thing and there was a massive wave of nostalgia when I put the first disc on the turntable. 

So vinyl-buying obsession here we come, I reckon. Anyone got any Sisters of Mercy 12 inchers?