Friday, March 14, 2014

The Krankies...

It is 4am in the morning at From Beer to Paternity Towers. The Missus has woken up, put her dressing gown on and gone to the loo. I am likewise awake and I go to the loo as well. 

But we have an actress guest staying at the moment so I have to 'cover up' and not wander around the house half-naked. This, sadly, also means that I cannot do my favourite joke for at least a week. This involves the Missus waiting for me to join her if we're going out somewhere and me appearing naked, uttering the words: 'Right. I'm ready to go!' 

Apparently, after 17 years together, this is no longer funny.

So I dress and head to the downstairs loo and eventually make my way back up to the bedroom to undress before climbing into bed. 
'Where have you been?' says a sleepy but curious Missus. 
'The toilet,' I reply. 
'But you went downstairs. Why did you go downstairs?' 

The real reason I went downstairs is because I was very farty and I didn't want to potentially wake the actress with loud farts at 4am in the morning. But I didn't tell the Missus this. 
'What are you? The Wee Police?' I ask defensively.
'I just thought it was odd,' says the Missus, dropping back to sleep. 

I lie awake for a few minutes then prod the Missus. 
'Who'd be the boss of the Wee Police?' I ask. 
'I don't know,' growls an exasperated Missus, wanting to get back to sleep. 
'Chief Inspector "Wee" Jimmy Krankie,' I answer. 

There is a pained sigh. 
'You've brought images of the Krankies into our bed,' says the Missus.
'If we're renting rooms to actors, then it may only be a matter of time before they're here in the flesh,' I add.
'Go to sleep or I'm leaving you…'

I wanted to say 'Fan-dabby-dozy'. But I didn't. I don't think she'd leave. But you never know...

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