So, this week, I finally went under the needle.
I've always liked the idea of tattoos as life milestone markers on your body. I love the 'Goole' barcode on my left shoulder that the Missus bought me for my 30th birthday. It was the equivalent of human branding about the town where I'm from in East Yorkshire.
My new tattoo is similarly personal: it's an armband of my hapkido black belt.
I was awarded my black belt more than four years ago and it's an achievement I'm proud of. It was a nine-year journey from white to black and there were many challenges to overcome, not least being really bad at it for the first three years. For the first year and a bit of being a black belt, I also didn't really feel like one. Even though the belt was won by sweat, graft and constant application over limited ability, there was lengthy 'settling in' time.
I'm through that now and I feel as though I wear the belt and it doesn't wear me, so it finally felt appropriate to mark that particular milestone.
Inside the loops of the belt is a ying-yang symbol of two fighting wolves. This is a reference to a Native American Indian story.
The story involves a grandfather explaining to his grandson that his tribe believes a white wolf and a black wolf are locked in a constant battle for supremacy at the heart of every man and woman. The white wolf represents virtues such as compassion, love and sympathy, and the black wolf represents negative factors such as agressions, lust and anger. The grandson asks which wolf wins the fight. The grandfather replies: 'The one you feed...'
The story chimes with not only my hapkido journey but journeys in other areas such as my writing and my BJJ. To keep going, the white wolf generally has to win. But you do sometimes also need the black wolf. Starving him achieves nothing and you sometimes need the so-called 'negative' qualities that the black wolf is supposed to represent.
In fact, the longer version of this story isn't about starving the black wolf at all. That's the version adopted by the religious right in the US. The Native American Indian version of this story is about keeping the two wolves existing in harmony with each other and not starving or over-feeding either.
I love my new tattoo. It's not about announcing to the world that I am a black belt and I'm a very hard or an amazingly skilled martial artist. It's about marking a journey, celebrating overcoming difficulties and not giving in. It's also about being in a place where I feel balanced with my life.
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