It is Saturday morning. I am preening myself in front of the bedroom mirror. This isn't a regular occurence because hair style or facial appearance along with clothing choice never usually gets more than a perfunctory glance at the best of times.
But today is different. Today I have shaved a fortnight's growth of stubble and today I am sporting a rather fetching 'Dirty Sanchez' moustache. I think it's quite dapper. I look like a German economist or a philosophy professor with a sideline in abstract art. For a fleeting moment I am confident in my looks and I even declare 'From now on I am going to be handsome!'
There is a snort from the bed. The Missus, apparently, is less than impressed.
'It makes you look wrong.'
'But you encouraged me to grow it.'
'And now you have I realise it looks rubbish. Shave it off.'
'I am not shaving it off.'
'But it looks stupid...'
'I am now a proud member of the moustache club.'
'...and by definition that means I'm stupid for marrying you.'
'Talk to the hand, sister, 'cos the ears ain't listening!'
'One: they patently are or you wouldn't have replied. Two: you will shave it off eventually because you'll get bored. You always do. So do it now and save yourself some time and save me some embarrassment.'
'I won't. I'm 'tached and I'm proud! And now I'm defiant. Look at my facial-haired defiance! The revolution starts here!'
The Missus rolls her eyes and sighs and leaves the bedroom shaking her head. It's not quite how I expected news of a revolution to be greeted...