Orgy!

A colleague at work has been invited to an orgy. The invite masquerades as something sexual and daring for fun-minded adults but reading between the lines it's an orgy at an undisclosed location.

The colleague in question is a very attractive young woman and she's been invited to orgies in the past, the most recent one being last year when it transpired the only person who attended the orgy was the host who set it up. Orgy for one. To go...

This one, however, is a much plusher and more sumptuous affair and, in the hope of writing a feature about it, she's toying with the idea of going.

So she sought advice and asked me if I'd go if I were in her shoes.

So I told her I don't think I could attend an orgy. Besides the obvious fact that I'm married (and by some quirk of fate shagging other women is generally frowned upon) it genuinely doesn't appeal.

For a start there's far too much chance for rejection. It may surprise readers of this blog to read this, but I was not always the Adonis of a man I now appear. In fact I was never a pretty boy and as a hormone-fuelled teenager wanting a girlfriend I was blown out more times than a windsock. Fact.

So the idea of turning up in a room full of strangers and getting undressed only to be left to amuse myself while the beautiful people rutted among themslves would be too painful to bear.

Also if you did get invited to sample the goods imagine giving your all to your new-found bonking partner to then turn around... and find a naked 16-stone man in a gimp mask playing with a throbbing erection 18 inches from your head.

There are some fantasies better left unexplored. These things are much safer in my head. The reality would probably only be a big let-down.

So if I was in her shoes I'll only stay for a few hours or so...