Other Woman News...

I am out playing snooker with the Other Woman and we are discussing the subject of 'crushes', that is 'crushes' as in quite fancying someone rather than grabbing hold of someone and choking them to death like some mad boa constrictor serial killer.

And suddenly the impossible happened. I actually managed to disgust her. Without even thinking about it I said something so filthy that she was rendered speechless. And this is genuinely a rare thing. For a moment I realised what it must feel like to be a God.

Obviously she didn't stay quiet for long. That would never happen.

But now I know that whenever I need to find a quick way out of any future argument with her I just have to mention the words 'splatter', 'face' and 'plasterer's overall' and the job is done.

Failing that I can just buy her chocolate...