50 Ways To Leave Your Lover...

It's a slow work day and myself and my work colleagues have noticed that the Simon and Garfunkle song 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover quite clearly doesn't have anywhere near 50 suggestions on how to terminate then walk out on a relationship.

So we decided to find 50 new ones that fit snugly into the metric pattern of the song. Our suggestions so far:

'Smash her back door through, Hugh.'
'Get a new girl, Earl.'
'Shoot her dead in the head, Fred.'
'Dump her by text, Rex.'
'Touch up her mother, brother.'

And here's some from several pool-playing colleagues:
'Tell her she's fat and she's got to go, Joe.'
'Treat her like John Terry, Jerry.'
'Flash her in a mac, Jack.'
'Tweek her on the tits, Fritz.'
'Smash her in the granny, Annie.'
'Cum in her eye, Kia.'
'Cum in her hair, Claire.'
'Touch her kid, Sid.'
'Go to bed with her sister, mister.'
'Burn her with the iron, Brian.'
'Say she looks like Shamu, Stu.'
'Tell him you're actually a man, Jan.'

And, just so we're not accused of sexism:
'Tell him he's rubbish in bed and he has a small willy, Millie.'

Make up your own. It's a great game...