The TV show I am currently trying to sell is a sitcom about a postman-turned-porn-star called Chunky Shaft. It’s set in a small northern town and the basic premise is that Chunky (Colin is his real name) is an unlikely sex star who’s not really all that clued up on anything outside the business and his part in it. He sees sex as purely a job, is quite disillusioned with romance and can’t understand why everyone else makes such a big fuss over pornography.
The first episode for this is written and the other five episodes are planned out but I keep coming up with jokes that I want to add in. I’d like to pretend that this is because I am a serious writer who’s creating all the time but it’s really because I enjoy making puerile gags about sex.
The other great joy of this project, of course, is that I can buy as many porn films as I want and claim them against tax as research (Note to my wife and the Inland Revenue: This is a joke. I’m not actually doing this).
Anyway, my latest idea sees Chunky making a World War One porn film called Somme Like It Hot where British soldiers and German nurses get jiggy in the bomb and mine-infested No Man’s Land. Chunky plays a brave Tommy and when the final orgy scene takes place he arrives to see cavorting bodies and pumping arses going at it in No Man’s Land.
He then says: ‘It’s a f***ing minefield!’
Oh well. I thought it was funny...
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