Donald Trump’s hair was back on TV last night and the tanned symbiont attached underneath it was tagging along too. The Apprentice US was back on BBC3 and the most recent task designed to perplex the two competing teams of hateful Americans was to invent a new luxury ice cream flavour and sell it on the streets of New York.
I was hoping this largely WASP lot would decide that the Bronx would be a good place to sell luxury ice cream and be gunned down in a drive-by shooting by a bunch of crackheads who felt the sudden need for whatever sickly sweet frozen confectionery these despicable groups had dreamed up. But sadly they all headed to the relatively safe environs of Times Square so my main reason for watching disappeared quickly.
Even worse the show ended with Bradford, perhaps the most self-obsessed man since Narcissus, getting the boot from squillionaire tanned one Trump. The previous week had seen Bradford actually win immunity from this fate because he was a successful team leader but the dope was so super-confident he had performed well that he sacrificed his immunity. Even the fact that he was pretty superb at the task didn’t save him as the mighty Trump axed him for his obvious arrogance.
Poor old Bradford. I will miss his baseball analogies such as ‘Ivana did not take on any responsibility when she stepped up the plate...’ and his utterly pompous statements such as last night’s classic ‘A business loss to me is like Kryptonite to Superman. It just drains me...’ Genius. A career in darts or Cage Fighting commentary surely awaits somebody this inane...
Fortunately the all-girl group Bradford was leading look like they’ll be providing all the fun anyone could want in the next few weeks. Last night this preppy enclave of right-wing hatred and perfectly coiffed hair ganged up on the only black girl in the group in an attempt to boot her out of their little WASP club. Sadly Bradford fell instead but the resentment is simmering and those sculpted, demure little masks are slowly slipping to reveal the utterly evil bitches underneath. Can’t wait...
Compared to this bunch of she-devils the all-bloke and one woman team are now looking pretty decent. OK. They may whoop and high-five and will stab each other in the back over a dollar but at least they won’t be caught eating their young.
Well, unless it’s one of the tasks next week...
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