Coffin Fit!

Our household is currently in a state of transition. Rooms are being changed, our decorator is in doing his thing and my pool room will soon be no more.

The eventual battleplan is for me and the missus to move back into the large bedroom (now the pool room), then we'll have a proper guest room (our current bedroom) and this obviously means goodbye pool table. Bizarrely it is a move that has my blessing as it means I'll have to go out to practice and play against proper opposition rather than just stay in and play with myself (insert rude joke here).

So it's all go on the domestic front and I've very much entered into the spirit of this (apart from having a major strop when I had to also sacrifice my office for three months for an unexpected houseguest) and the campaign of refreshed domesticity has seen me set out to finally finish clearing the two loft spaces in the house.

Our house was originally owned by a man who can only be described as a major lunatic headcase and it was only when he left that the missus discovered he'd filled the two loft spaces with all manner of utter shite.

So clearing them became my job and from one loft I have so far cleared out the following:
One car bumper
Three car seats
Various lengths of rotting wood
Coving
Copper piping
The wing of a Morris Minor
A car engine
A toilet bowl
A car's brake system
A broken bed
A suitcase with newspapers and dental magazines

So I didn't think anything else in the other loft space could surprise me when I climbed up to rescue a spare bed for our new house guest. But the sight of a coffin as my light flashed over the roof rafters made me realise how wrong I'd been...

On closer inspection, of course, it turned out not to be a real coffin but some MDF version of one that had been done for a school play of some description. But there was a split second where the missus saying 'I wouldn't be surprised to find a dead body up there...' came back to haunt me.

At one point I was genuinely contemplating climbing back down the ladder to grab my Bible and some garlic from the kitchen. Sadly we only had garlic paste and I wasn't sure that would have worked...

But, thankfully, there is no dead body. But then again I haven't cleared all the lofts out yet...