Hard Sell!

I was introduced to pornography at the age of nine by an older cousin who’d located a secret stash of magazines in the garden shed of a relative. ‘Let’s go look at some nudey magazines,’ he’d suggested, reassuring me that if I kept guard I’d also be able to have a look.

Sadly I misheard and thought he’d said ‘Noddy’ magazines so I was somewhat confused as to (a) why he’d want to look at this sort of kids’ stuff and (b) why he thought I’d be in the slightest bit interested. I was nine after all and Enid Blyton was old hat!

So I was quite stunned when I eventually saw what he was leafing through – and there wasn’t a picture of Big Ears or PC Plod in sight!

Now, though by no means an expert, I am more au fait with the world of ‘adult entertainment’ having lovingly crafted a bleak sitcom about a postman-turned-porn-star called Chunky Shaft (the Prince Regent of Adult Entertainment in the UK and owner of the Chunky’s Clean Sheets laundry chain).

I did, however, see something funnier than my mishearing story or even Chunky last week when I went to the Hustler sex shop in Brewer Street in London to make a purchase. I’d long admired the Hustler t-shirt line and decided it would be fun to own one as I am also a keen pool player so it would provide me with a clothing item possessed with double meaning. Brilliant!

So after choosing my t-shirt (Hustler: hardcore since 74) I went to pay and noticed the display of Hustler covers on the wall behind the till and one boasted a cover headline of ‘Good news for gonorrhea sufferers!’ Genius!

I only hope that in my life I will be able to write something that is brilliant as that…