Some families pass on untold wealth and million-pound properties to the next generation... some people pass on a great family name that ensures they have access to the higher echelons of society... my family inheritance is haemorrhoids, with possibly a bit of alcoholism, gambling and dementia thrown in.And today the first part of that genetic legacy threatened to arrive. I visited the doctor to chase up some test results of an MRI scan I had last year and, in passing, mentioned another symptom so she asked me to drop my trousers so she could have a look.
And before I knew it she had a digit inserted up my anus and was having a rummage around. Although I had nothing to gauge her technique against I felt she was very smooth and, if you've never had a posh-sounding lady insert her finger up your anus first thing on a snowy morning, I can report that it is not an entirely unpleasant experience.
But the upshot of her investigation was that if untreated I may be saying hello to one part of the family legacy sooner than I'd anticipated. And the treatment? Suppositories. The size and shape of sniper bullets.
I just hope I don't have a bad bout of farting as I'm bending over or I may end up shooting someone.
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