Sister Act!

It was the early morning shows that got me. I don’t watch any of the wall-to-wall live coverage on E4 and I am sometimes out or watching something else when the evening shows are on. But the morning shows caught me off-guard and half-asleep when it was my turn to get the boy up for school and that’s how it started.

So now I know that Science is a wannabe rapper from the hood in Leeds who can’t string two words together, there’s some skeletal Irish bird who looks like she could do with a month’s worth of good meals and there’s a black gay Tory who lets his chums call him ‘Golly’. How the winter evenings must simply fly by at Tory HQ... Then there’s a sexually confused fella, a Geordie hairdresser, a geek and several others.

The Big Brother lot are all equally hateful and making distinctions between them is a bit like deciding which form of terminal illness you want to be riddled with – the details are unimportant as it’s still painful and it’s still gonna get you...

There perhaps are not enough bullets in the world for these people but sadly my guns are still trained across the pond as The Apprentice lost another member of its would-be team of wannabe squillionaires last night. And there are only so many people you can hate at one time...

Last night’s task on The Apprentice saw the two teams have to launch competing restaurants in New York with task winners judged on decor, service and food by the customers. Mosaic, the fellas and one girl team, went about this in their usual methodical and relaxed way while Apex, the girl group, continued to bitch, fight and generally be as unpleasant as possible to each other.

Apex obviously lost and the night leading up to the boardroom meeting saw all the girls at their cattiest. Having last week decided to victimise and expel Stacie J (the only black member of the group and, rather hilariously, bearing in mind this week’s task a restaurateur) the WASP coven went for another minority in the shape of a vertically challenged Jew called Stacey.

But Stacey proved to be a tough little cookie and she was not having any of it and in the end it was the half-witted project leader Jennifer C, a woman who can’t stop talking with the added bonus that nothing she says makes any sense, who was fired.

The girls may now see the light and actually end up working together if they have any hope of winning the job with Trump that’s on offer to the series winner when this show ends, although part of me hopes they don’t as watching them squabble is great fun. Sisterhood, eh?