The best words any would-be literary genius can write are ‘The end’. Although that is probably an exaggeration because writing the words ‘Pay self’ on a cheque for several zillion squid are also very good words to write too. But ‘The end’ comes quite close.
So it was with a real sense of satisfaction that I added my favourite two words to the finale of my latest play, Trust, yesterday evening. As soon as I’d typed these words down a little party began in my head where I was quaffing champagne (which I don’t like) and disco dancing with the missus on a Caribbean beach while Kid Creole and the Coconuts played some happening tune. In my head I was even high-fiving my stepson (and I generally consider people who do high fives only fit for chemical castration).
Sadly this image only lasted for about two minutes because I then started thinking about ways to improve the play and working out which bits needed cutting. I then realised that adding my favourite two words actually meant the job was only half-done because I’ll now spend the next four weeks redrafting it and adding bits to it and making sure the narrative makes sense and the characters are fully developed.
Then when I think it’s done I’ll give it to my two unofficial script editors (wife and wife’s writer father) to rip to bits and I’ll probably wish I hadn’t while secretly being quite glad I had because they are usually right about these things. Then I’ll do some more rewrites and send it off to my hit list of theatres and wait...
Anyway, to cut a long story short I thought I’d finished my play but I probably haven’t...
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