‘That woman has big cat eyes. She looks like the bride of Wildenstein – or one of those vampires from Salem’s Lot.’
‘Honey, I’m watching the telly...’
‘But she look like a vampire. Is it a horror show about vampires?’
‘It’s a documentary about humanism.’
‘And not vampres?’
‘Please shut up...’
‘But she look like a vampire. Are you sure it’s not a programme about humanist vampires?’
‘Shut up – now...’
I’d been out all day and arrived home quite late to find the missus in bed watching the telly. My eyes – or several pints of bitter – may well have been playing tricks on me and I have since looked through the TV listings magazine to confirm it was indeed a show about humanism with not a mention of the undead in sight.
But I am offering a prize to anyone who saw this show at midnight on Sunday and can confirm that it had a woman who looked like a cat-cum-vampire in it.
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