Apparently I have a foul mouth. All I have to do is open my lips to say something simple like ‘Good Morning!’ and a string of expletives that would shame a gin-sodden dockside whore spews forth.
I am currently putting this down to working long hours on a special project but maybe I just have a foul mouth – or even some mild form of Tourette’s. Maybe things will get so bad that I’ll have to have my mouth sewn shut by surgeons (or sturgeons even) and have to relate to people through the medium of mime. After all I’ve recently discovered I quite like Marilyn Manson and, as all those gun-toting and God-loving Americans tell us, it’s only a short step from Mechanical Animals to self-mutilation and behaving like a social deviant!
Fortunately I have a garden and, as I was sans boy and sans wife, I spent the best part of Saturday sorting this out. Down came all the starting-to-go tomato and French bean plants and in went the bulbs for next year. I also discovered a great smelling herb called lemon verbena at the local garden centre. It was good Tourette’s therapy (although I was tempted to spell out the word ‘cock’ in daffodils at one point) and coupled with an hour kicking and hitting my punchbag I felt very chilled.
I feared a run of expletives would return when myself and the missus sat down to watch the latest ITV drama on Saturday night, though. This was called Afterlife and starred Lesley Sharp as a reluctant spiritualist who sees and chats to dead folk, with Andrew Lincoln as the cynical college professor who’s out to investigate and expose her.
Sharp is always good value and her acting credits include From Hell, Vera Drake and Clocking Off. Andrew Lincoln, though, did a decent job as the cynical bloke in Teachers and was quite good in the stage play Blue/Orange at the National but I’ve yet to be totally convinced by him. And as for the whole genre of ITV drama... Cue profanity attack!
Rather amazingly, though, this mish-mash of talents produced something that was eminently watchable and I may even make a point of catching part two of the six-episode run next Saturday.
An ITV drama that’s actually pretty good. Now that is bastarding amazing!
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