Killing Time…

I often contemplate murder and it’s been a pretty annoying sort of week so the thought of releasing tension by butchering a few people is high on the agenda at present. But fear not! I obviously won’t just kill any Tom, Dick or Harry. No…

My A List would comprise obvious candidates like Robert Mugabe (brutal dictator), Margaret Thatcher (brutal dictator), George Bush (dangerous and ignorant idiot) and Ross Kemp (no-talent idiot who could be a win-double as I may also get his hate-mongering Sun editor wife too).

But once we’re through this list any other potential victims would have to undergo a thorough interview process and be carefully selected. And current candidates include:

Phil Collins
(plus points for Genesis but open noose for Another Day In Paradise)

Ben Elton
(plus points for The Young Ones but welcoming electric chair for novels and musicals)

Chris de Burgh
(plus points for a few good songs but major minus points for banging his nanny and penning and releasing Lady in Red)

Ross Kemp
(just because we may not kill him the first time)

And any half-witted businessman with a website who posts comments in my blog page to the effect of ‘Gee you have a great website here. But if you’re worried about impotence/penile growth/loans (delete as appropriate) click on my site to solve your problems.

You have been warned…