You Are What You Eat...

You Are What You Eat is the title of ‘Dr’ Gillian McKeith’s Channel 4 series. And if this premise is true then at some point the ubiquitous McKeith must have eaten a constant diet of sanctimonious, pointy-faced, know-it-all pain-in-the-arses because she is the worst person on TV. Ever. In the history of Earth. Or any other worlds. And that list includes Ross Kemp too.

Her new series' routine is pretty much the same as it always has been: Gillian meets a bunch of folk with (to use an American term for career fatties) too much junk in the trunk, then points out that not eating sweets all day and combining a sensible diet with a bit of exercise can mean they’re not cardiac arrests waiting to happen.

Now if that was all she did that would probably be bearable, but she combines this advice with a whole host of medically unproven codswallop that she passes off as scientific fact. Then to add insult to injury she speaks to those poor souls who’ve volunteered for her show as though they were mentally ill or just so stupid that she can’t believe they actually exist.

A little advice here Gillian – if they didn’t exist you wouldn’t have anyone to patronise to death on your rubbish telly show.

Last night’s episode featured two sisters and their daughters from the Midlands. After spending half the show ripping them to bits she introduced them to a whole new dietary regime and introduced them to exercise. Then several weeks later she presented the quartet after her miracle cure and, lo and behold, they’d lost a bit of weight and looked a bit healthier.

Brilliant… Sadly anybody new to the magic of telly will at this point probably not realise this usual end-of-show reveal relies more on stylists to make the victims look good in better clothes and nicer make-up than on anything the shrill-voiced one has to offer. But Channel 4 have yet again bought this pile of old shite and are screening it.

Even funnier is the fact that McKeith is currently facing some stick from the ASA (Advertising Standards Authority) for her use of the term ‘Dr’ as she has no medical qualifications at all. Anyone who visits her website, however, could be forgiven for thinking she is the most qualified woman ever to walk the planet with all sorts of certificates and testimonials.

But her main academic claim to fame in the area of nutrition is as follows:
‘Gillian McKeith earned a PhD in Holistic Nutrition from the American Holistic College of Nutrition, which is now known as the Clayton College of Natural Health, an off-campus learning institution with well respected graduates in the United States’

In other words she studied via a correspondence course at some two-bob institution that at the time didn't even have premises. And even now it does have a home it is still not recognised by any medical body of any real worth.

I must confess I am quite a fan of some self-help TV. I thought Jamie Oliver and his attempts to feed kids properly was not only a brilliant campaign but also brilliant telly. He’d also made more than a few quid before he embarked on this and clearly didn’t need to do it for the cash. In fact it was sometimes painfully too evident that he really cared about the kids and their plight because of how he interacted with those involved and how he reacted when things sometimes went tits up.

But McKeith is an utter cow to her victims and the show is less about helping people and interacting with them in a sympathetic way and much more about selling the quasi-mystical bunkum that is brand McKeith. And Channel 4 continue to let her get away with it.

To be quite frank, McKeith and You Are What You Eat make me thoroughly ill. And she can’t even pronounce pasta (‘Pah-star’). Pass the sick bucket…