Tough Shit!

The Other Woman and the Other Woman’s Fella (her real one as opposed to me) visited myself and the Missus on Friday.

We headed out for curry where the Other Woman’s Fella told a memorable story about a night out with Jo Guest (model), a Toxic Slut (from the punk band Toxic Slut) and several Cocksucking Cowboys (cocktails) while I spent several hours ranting about Jane Austen (a writer who sadlly will never be a Toxic Slut).

A fun night was had by all (even though the Other Woman is obviously punching above her weight with her fella and I’ll tell her so when I next see her).

When the next morning arrived, however, it seemed an extraterrestrial being had carried out an experiment on my body in which my previously functioning bowel had been replaced by an agricultural muckspreader on a high pressure setting. Consequently I spent large parts of the weekend on the toilet but I did manage to listen to quite a lot of Radio 4 and Radio 5 Live while in situ.

The real fun part of the day was a trip to see Porgy And Bess, though. Watching the show and wondering whether I was going to make it to the end of the next song – never mind the first or second halves – was an experience I would not want to repeat. Ever!

Things are thankfully now back to normal but it has made me re-evaluate the joys of a healthy gut. And that’s why I’m currently eating nice, healthy and not very spicy things. It won’t last, though…

PS. Ulrika Johnsson has a show on C4 tonight called Ulrika: Am I A Sex Addict? Now I could have told her the answer to this without the need of a TV show. So here goes:

No Ulrika, you’re not a sex addict. You’re a publicity addict who chose to indirectly accuse a man of rape several years after the event on TV and kick off a chain of events that ensured he faced a trial by media before he got a trial by court and was proved innocent – just so you could sell some fucking book. If it was about rape you’d have handled it the way many women do and go through the correct legal channels and not turn it into the sort of media circus that may actually put women off going to court if they’re victims of this crime. So Fuck Off My Telly!

There… I feel much better now.