Financial Planning…

Myself and the Missus are in the kitchen waiting for the Boy to descend from his bedroom so we can eat tea. We are chatting and she asks me about my play, which has to be finished this Friday.

‘How’s the play coming along?’
‘Great. Today I got into my research and found original Victorian pornography.’
‘And that’s research?’
‘Yes.’
‘In what world is that research?’
‘There was huge trade in erotic prints and pictures as well as prostitution so I wanted to see if I could find any to see what it was like. It’s background research…’
‘Where did you find it?’
‘On the internet. There was quite an arty website and the pictures were divided into two categories. In the artistic category were prints of nude women and young men…’
‘And in the other?’
‘That was called the vulgar category and some of it was quite graphic. But there was one great shot of a half-naked Victorian gent being pleasured by two women and the look on his face was one of such wonderful ennui, just like he was utterly bored with all this decadent sex. And he had a wonderful droopy moustache and he kept his top hat on too…’
‘Who kept his top hat on?’

The Boy has sneaked into the kitchen without us noticing. Has he heard all our discussion? I change the subject and we sit down to eat and get onto the subject of money. I am convinced he owes me £20 and tell him so.

‘I gave you £20 to go out on Wednesday then I’m sure I gave you another £20 for train fares on Friday.’
The Boy sighs.
‘You did give me £20 on Wednesday and Friday but I gave you £20 back on Friday because mum also left me the money for the train fares.’
‘Are you sure because I can’t find it.’
‘Yes.’
‘Well I’ve lost £20 then. I don’t know where it’s gone.’

The Boy smiles.
‘You’ve maybe spent it looking at Victorian porn.’