Stock: Scene 1...

SCENE 1: INTERIOR. CEMETERY.
Grams: Symphony No.3 by Gorecki.
A winter afternoon. A cross stands on stage. Size, a black man of dual heritage, stands near it. He is rubbing the knuckles of his right hand. Michael, a man in his late twenties, stands next to him. He is listening on a mobile phone and he occasionally mutters ‘Yes’ while Size talks to Michael and to himself. Both are dressed in suits with black ties.

SIZE
Shouldn’t be allowed… Taking liberties like that – and at your dad’s fucking funeral… (Silence) Everyone could hear their racket all the way across the cemetery… Sobbing and weeping like big fucking babies… (Silence) And they weren’t even sobbing and weeping in fucking English…

Michael raises a finger to request silence. Silence for a beat or two then Size continues.

SIZE
Look, Mikey. I know you’re pissed with me but I had to go over. All I did was ask him and his friends to quieten it down a bit… That’s all. I didn’t swear or lamp anyone or nothing. Well… not immediately. And it was him who kicked it off. ‘We also are trying to have funeral here too!’ he says. Then he turns his back on me. Like I’m nothing. Little cunt. Snide little cunt. In fact the sort of snide little cunt who should just have ‘I am a snide little cunt’ branded across his forehead. But even then, even under that sort of extreme… (He thinks for the word) pro-vo-cation, I kept my temper. I simply tapped him on the shoulder and pointed out that we were having a funeral as well – but the difference was we were trying to be dignified about the fucking thing and maybe they could try the same as they’re now living in our fucking country! Well he didn’t like that. Said something angry. In foreign! So I hit him, punched him plum in the face and he fell into the grave with his nose twatted all over his boat. Splosh… (Pause) You know what? Next time I’m not going bother being polite. And I don’t care if the cunt was a priest!

Michael comes off the phone. He closes it and puts it in his pocket. He brings his hands to his face and lets out a sigh.

MICHAEL
Noggsy’s had a word and the copper says they won’t press charges.

SIZE
Fucking right they won’t press charges. Half the cunts are here on the sly any way. Should fuck off back to the Ukraine.

MICHAEL
They were Poles.

SIZE
Should bring back that fucking Poll Tax then. Make the cunts pay their way properly… (Mike just stares at him) I’m sorry Mikey.

MICHAEL
(A beat) Forget it. Dad would have thought it was funny…

SIZE
He’d ’ave been over there knocking the Polish cunts out with me. (Size taps the cross) Sorry Ellis…

Silence.

SIZE
73 eh…

MICHAEL
Yeah.

SIZE
Good age…

MICHAEL
Wasn’t for him…

Silence. Size pulls a bottle of whisky out. He takes a slug and hands it to Michael. Michael passes.

MICHAEL
You know the last thing he told me? Before he… went…

SIZE
No.

MICHAEL
Said one of the doctors told him he had to have a pacemaker fitted. So he told ‘em ‘I don’t want no fucking Kenyan in shorts running round in front of me!’ The doctors thought he was serious. Made me laugh before I went home. Made Gary laugh too.

SIZE
Did Gary get it?

MICHAEL
No. He just laughed out of politeness, the way he does when he doesn’t understand something but thinks he should. I explained it to him on the way home though…

SIZE
Well you boys done him proud today. In fact everyone did. Big turnout. You see all the fellas from the bookies came?

MICHAEL
Yeah…

SIZE
…and the dog track… and the casino…

MICHAEL
I saw ‘em.

SIZE
…and the card school at the Drunken Rat. Lots of people…

MICHAEL
Well dad had friends from all walks of life…

SIZE
No news on Gemma yet?

MICHAEL
No. No news…

SIZE
Shame… Her missing the funeral and’ all… And the vicar did wait for half an hour as well…

MICHAEL
I told her Gary’d drive up North and pick her up but she insisted on making her own way here.

SIZE
To be fair he can’t actually drive…

MICHAEL
He can drive – just not legally at the moment…

SIZE
Even so…

MICHAEL
You never complained about his driving when he used to pick you up from Bullet’s casino and drop you home, did you?

SIZE
No…

MICHAEL
And he was only 13 then…

SIZE
Try to see it from your sister’s point of view…

MICHAEL
Which is?

SIZE
Well she’s educated now. Been to university, read books, seen films with subtitles and everything.

MICHAEL
And?

SIZE
Well nobody with that many brains is gonna get into a car with Gary at the wheel, are they?

MICHAEL
Should still be here.

SIZE
But she’s not and you and Gary are. So let’s get down the pub and join the boys for the real send-off. Yeah?

MICHAEL
Suppose so…

SIZE
Come on…

Size walks to the side of the stage. Michael pauses, places his hand on the cross for a beat or two then follows. End. Cut to…