Sunday is grading day for my brown belt at hapkido.
I was hoping to grade for this in October last year until a combination of injury and bad luck meant I couldn’t complete the curriculum in time. But now it’s actually here again I bizarrely have a bit of a lax attitude towards it.
On the one hand I’ve worked quite hard towards this belt and I’m confident I know enough to pass it, but on the other I am missing that pre-grading buzz and pressure that I’ve had on previous gradings when fear of potential failure spurred me on.
At the moment I’m actually not bothered whether I pass it or not. I find this worrying as it means I’m not as in tune with my hapkido side as I usually am – or maybe it means I’ve finally realised the belts aren’t all that important and it’s practicing the art itself that matters most.
Either way it’s a strange state to be in and I’m a little discombobulated by it all.
At least my new play, Blessed, is starting to pick up a head of steam and I did manage to fit one of my favourite insults into it yesterday. The line goes: ‘You carry on like that and you’ll end with a reputation as a slag – and a cunt like a clown’s pocket!’
It sounds like utter filth but in context it works quite well. Strange how one line can trigger lots of other things but that and me telling a story about a pub-to-pub fish seller suddenly made everything connect in the play.
Writing’s a strange business but that’s probably why so many strange people end up doing it. Normal minds simply don’t make that sort of jump…
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