Mrs Tea…

I am home in the kitchen cooking our evening meal.

For some reason that escapes me the missus and the boy are also both in the kitchen reading. This is a rare occurrence because I have formally banned anyone else from the kitchen when I am cooking because unrequested 'helpful' culinary advice and me with sharp knives is a dangerous combination

After a few minutes I venture into the living room to grab something and notice the light is on. This is a cardinal sin in the From Beer To Paternity household as we’re keen to do our bit for the planet. So it’s time to chastise the missus for wasting electricity in the same way she lambasts me for all manner of minor anti-conservation crimes. At any given opportunity.

I turn the light off and return to the kitchen to continue making our meal.

‘Do you want a cup of tea?’ she asks on my return.
‘Yes.’
‘Cool.’

Pause.

‘Oh… Just a tip, but if you really want to save the planet and not use up its precious fuel resources you could try turning lights off when you’ve been in rooms you’ve vacated. It’s such a waste.’
‘How do you know I wasn’t going back in there?’
‘Because you’re in here!’
‘I was making a cup of tea then heading back to read my magazine.’
‘You could still have turned the light off before you left the room. It’s such a waste.’
‘Actually it burns more electricity to turn it on and off than it does to just keep it on in such a short space of time.’
‘You’ve made that up.’
‘No I haven’t.’
‘It’s obviously a lie. Act locally, think globally. That’s my motto.’
‘You’re an idiot. That’s my motto.’
‘Fuel waster!’

I have the last word and return to making the meal before she can get another one in. A pause. Then the boy sniggers. I look up to see him laughing into his book then turn to see the missus suppressing a giggle.

She hands me my tea. They are still giggling. I drink it. They both openly laugh.

‘She spat in that.’ says the boy helpfully – but only after I’ve slugged a mouthful.
‘You spat in my tea?!’ I am stunned. She smiles. Like a cat toying with a particularly stupid mouse.

‘Don’t pick arguments with me. You always lose…’
‘You spat in my tea!’
‘And at least it’s recycled spit.’ offers the boy.

There will be repercussions. Probably…