Portuguese Team Talk

On good authority I understand that this is how the pre-match team talk before Portugal played England went in the Portugal dressing room:

'Right. The English team won't realise that we dive and go looking for fouls at every opportunity because Sven won't have thought to warn them so it's business as usual, lads. Do your best Greg Louganis.'

'Also they have an educationally subnormal Scouser up front who has major temper issues so wind him up whenever you can because sooner or later he'll forget it's the World Cup and he'll descend into behaving like a lager-fuelled neanderthal thug outside a provincial nightclub at 2am in the morning.'

'And don't worry if it goes to a penalty shootout lads because they think conviction and power are new types of car.'

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