The missus celebrated her birthday yesterday so I did my impression of a loving husband and showered her with gifts aplenty. The missus is quite difficult to buy for because, like me, if she wants anything she just tends to buy it herself. Fortunately trips to Molton Brown, Jo Malone and the Tintin Shop, plus anything with Johnny Depp, are always sure-fire winners to get the present-buying ball rolling.
One tradition that money can’t buy, though, is my yearly task to make her a gift. Previous hand-crafted-by-me presents have included a self-powered hairdryer made from empty toilet roll tubes (blow in one end and the air travels round a u-bend out through a funnel and, hey presto, dry hair!); a DIY liposuction kit (complete with big syringe); the Fatkins Diet Book (a mini book with the words ‘Eat less cake and do more exercise. That’s it!’); and, my favourite, a mini theatre that myself and the boy made when I feared I wouldn’t be able to get her tickets to Guys And Dolls. The mini theatre featured the musical Guides And Dolls and had pictures of Girl Guides and dolls on stage (this was going to be Guide Dogs And Dolls but I couldn’t find enough pictures of guide dogs).
This year’s offering is my latest invention (see above). It’s called Hate Weight Mates and you simply cut them out and pop them over the digital readout on the bathroom scales. Then when you get weighed the next morning it’s suddenly not so bad.
I think it’s a great idea! I may go on Dragon’s Den…
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