Roland Rat?

OK. So it’s a bit like shooting very big fish in a very small tank with a very large gun. Like a bazooka. Or one of those surface-to-air missle things. Or a Trident…

But Trust Me… I’m A Holiday Rep on Five is about as barrel-scrapingly bad as it gets. In fact I’d rather watch every single episode of Ultimate Force while tied to a chair with matchsticks propping open my eyes to ensure I didn’t miss a single second than chance upon this again.

The basic premise is that half a dozen minor celebs are parachuted into some ghastly Club 18-30 type hellhole (in this case Malia in Crete) and then made to work as a rep for some equally ghastly holiday company (in this case Olympic).

So cue minor celebs taking a bunch of chavs on a booze cruise and hating their drunken behaviour, cue minor celebs moaning about working long hours and cue minor celebs grouching about doing the job the publicity-greedy fuckers signed up for in the first place.

Those ‘stars’ taking part include DJ Brandon Block, TV chef Nancy Lam, comedian Roland Rivron and three people I’ve never heard of – and that’s quite a feat because in my role as a TV journalist I can still name most of the cast of Family Affairs (RIP).

The episode I caught on Saturday night when myself and the missus returned from a night out featured new rep Paul Burrell entering the fray. He, of course, is the Diana butler chap and rather brilliantly he had no idea who the other ‘celebrities’ were.

This sent Roland Rivron off the deep end and he behaved like an utter twat.

Now Rivron has always made me laugh in previous incarnations. Raw Sex were genuinely funny, his chatshow where he interviewed people while floating in the Thames was inspired lunacy and his sitcom A Set Of Six was cruelly under-rated.

But he’s now decided to behave like an idiot and appear on this bilge.

Times must be hard and rather than be annoyed I can only hope he walks out, returns to the UK and lamps the agent who persuaded him this would be a good career move.

That would also make much better telly than this trash.