Izzit Cos I Is Racialist?

We had problems with the neighbours earlier this year when they were getting pissed and shouting and playing loud music into the early hours of the morning.

So I asked a couple of times for some consideration and when that met with no response I reported them to the council. Bizarrely this did the trick as I also told them it was me who'd reported them so they came round to ours and apologised and we assumed that was that. I said if there was a problem in future I'd text them or knock on their door and also said it was obviously visa-versa. Job done...

But come 4pm Christmas Day the upstairs flat are playing their stereo so loud that the bass is actually making it impossible for us to listen to the TV downstairs. Or anywhere else in the house. Now considering we were downstairs in our home and they were upstairs next door and there was a wall and a floor between us that's quite a feat!

So, as previously agreed, I politely pootled round and rang their doorbell to be confronted by the woman from the downstairs flat and the woman from the upstairs flat and her daughter. So I politely asked if they wouldn't mind turning their music down a bit. I thought this was a simple and polite request.

But instead I got an earful...

It turns out I am a nosey neighbour who is always making complaints, who has nothing better to do with his time and should move to the country if I want silence. And to top it all off it turns out that 'they' (my neighbours) listen to music differently to 'us' (me and my wife).

Although it wasn't clearly stated it was implied that because my wife and I are white and the neighbours are West Indian that there is a huge cultural divide which means they need and have a right to listen to music whenever they want and at whatever volume they want. And because I am white I don't understand this. In fact by me asking them to turn their music down I am probably infringing on their cultural rights to express themselves.

So I'd like to take this opportunity to apologise to all my West Indian friends for my ignorance of your ways. But it's your fault because you've never behaved like this or been inconsiderate like this and, according to my neighbours, you're supposed to.

And I'd also like to apologise to all my West Indian friends because apparently I am an unwitting racist – or maybe I just find it hard to consistently tolerate inconsiderate cunts.

You figure it out and please let me know...