Fight Quest I...

'It's potentially the most stupid idea you've ever had. And given that you are an absolute idiot who previously thought it was a good idea to insert lit sparklers into the top of his penis that is quite a feat...'

I have just explained my latest wheeze to the Missus. I've told her I want to train and become a UFC fighter for one fight only as it will give me a definite goal and, more importantly, I also think it would make quite a good book idea. My idea is not getting the reaction I anticipated, though, so I try to defend myself.

'I'm already a decent martial artist and if I know I'm fighting I'll train much harder. I'm also boxing and that will help and I reckon if I train seriously I'll be ready within two years, maybe three...'
'You're NOT doing it.'
'The worst that can happen is that I'll get knocked out...'
'...or you could have your neck broken and I'll end up tending to a paraplegic for the rest of my life...'
'It would make a great book. Think about... speccy journalist becomes fighting machine...'
'But you don't even like fighting. You even apologise to your boxing coach when you hit him...'
'But I don't see it as fighting... it's about competition and I may not be overtly aggressive but I am hugely competitive...'
'It's a stupid idea thought up by an idiot. It's the sort of thing young men do not people who are nearly 40 years old with families.'
'Would you do me a favour?'
'You're having a mid-life crisis. That's what this is...'
'Just think about it...'

The Missus pauses. She stares at me like I'm an idiot. But it means she hasn't said a definite no...