I try to be a 'live and let live' kind of guy who tries to keep a sense of equilibrium on most things and who has an open mind where possible. In fact I'm generally so chilled these days that, if I was king, I probably wouldn't even order compulsory death sentences for no-talent zones like Phil Collins, Ross Kemp or that racist thug from Girls Aloud. Instead I'd just give them some brutal torture and make them promise to never make music or TV shows again in return for their lives.
Sadly the down side of trying to be so goddam understanding like this is that I'm sometimes prone to trusting too much and willing to give anything a chance. So when my brother-in-law suggested Hopi ear candles may be a good way to sort my ongoing ear problem out I thought I'd give it a bash.
For the unitiated Hopi ear candles are Native American Indian technology (ie. quite old). They are essentialy hollow candles made out of some type of linen soaked in wax where you stick one end in your ear and light the other end until it burns down a bit. According to the leaflet it's supposed to remove impurities from the ear and regulate air pressure within the ear.
So I follow the instructions and lay on my side and get the Missus to insert the candle and light the other end and hold it in place and it slowly burns down. I then follow the same procedure for the other ear...
And the result? The living room stinks of candle wax, the Missus and the Boy have proof that I'm a gullible idiot, I am £8 out of pocket and I've relied on medical hokum rather than listened to a trained doctor who assures me it will clear up in its own good time.
And my ear. Still can't hear a bloody thing. Secretly I wonder if the Hopi Indians were wiped out because they couldn't hear the enemy approaching...
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