Fight Quest V...

A common complaint among most men is: 'My wife doesn't understand me...' But there is a much worse condition than that and it is the following: 'My wife understands me perfectly. In fact she understands me so perfectly that her understanding is almost telepathic.'

For example, when I was trying to find late Victorian pornography last year as part of research for a play I could happily explain this to my wife and she didn't bat an eyelid because she understood. Similarly when I found the grave of a famous Victorian prostitute last year I went visiting and my wife understood.

I fear, however, I now may have crossed a line and that line is watching Nuts TV.

For those who have yet to sample the delights of Nuts TV it's essentially pub sports, fighting and really badly produced soft porn masquerading as 'adult' entertainment shows. Like the magazine it is based on it's tawdry rubbish aimed at knuckleheads but last night I became one of those knuckleheads as flicking through the TV channels I spotted it had a show on cage fighting.

So I decided to watch this as, despite injury, I am still a wannabe UFC fighter and I thought it would be good research.

The show featured two cage fights from what looked like a leisure centre in Barking or Grimsby and it reminded me how little toe-to-toe battling is involved in cage fighting as the first fight ended up on the ground and stayed there for most of its two rounds, while the second ended in a knockout in about 10 seconds.

It was also hardly glamorous stuff and this is the sort of arena wannabe fighter have to start off in if they want to get anywhere. Frankly it's along way from the UFC...

So I may have to learn Brazilian ju-jitsu or some other ground-fighting art if my bid to be a proper fighter is ever to be realised. Or I could just be like the guy who got knocked out and be a journeyman punchbag.

Or I could just ensure I'm back in working order and stick to the hapkido and boxing training I do without the risk of serious injury by knocking this perhaps foolhardy idea on the head...