I have an ongoing allergy complaint and the doctor finally prescribed industrial strength tablets and a nasal spray to alleviate my symptoms.
In truth she only did this because I turned up at the surgery and dribbled snot all over her table although in truth I only went because the missus had threatened violence the previous week.
‘Go see the doctor…’
‘I went.’
‘Please go see the doctor…’
‘I did. There’s nothing she can do…’
‘Please go see…’
‘Look… I went. I’m on a list. There’s nothing else I can do.’
‘She must be able to give you something…’
‘She won’t. I asked.’
‘OK. I’ll put it another way then. Go see the doctor again because if you sniff one more time I will take your pool cue, snap it in half and ram a piece up each nostril!’
Fortunately my return visit to the doctor coincided with a particularly bad bout of sniffling, sneezing and watery eyes so she took pity and rattled off a prescription.
Sadly for me the tablets I have to take contain the words no self-respecting man should ever have to read: AVOID ALCOHOL. They were even written in capital letters in a large font so I couldn’t ignore them.
So I have a choice: get well and never drink again or don’t get well and enjoy a pint. And to make matters worse it’s a repeat prescription until I go to an allergy clinic – which may take anything up to two years. Bugger…
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